worked!?

made my triumphant return to the cafe tonight... or just, my old roomie remembered seeing me this week, & she made hot V-day $ & then didn't feel like working tonight. whatever-- i needed the dough. nice ego boost when not one but two coworkers remarked that i looked like i'd lost weight, when in fact i've (obviously to me) *gained* weight... both said "but your waist looks so tiny!" forgot that even back when i was much heavier, even in the "freshman 15" (which for me was more like 30) days, my waist stays the same size. (i'm lucky in that i gain proportionally.) i already felt healthier, but having people i barely know & who don't care about me saying i look thinner (which i know from decades on this planet means "better") felt good. anyhoo, the paltry $75 i brought home scarcely balances the $90 bill i got in the mail today (annual fee on an *almost* maxed out cc + annoying overlimit fee-- you'd think they'd suspend that if *I* wasn't the one to cause it to go overlimit, but you'd be wrong)... but it felt good to get out and earn some dough, see some people, just be out in the world. after, i responded to a CL ad for work + housing in the outer banks for the summer, which has been one of my "if only" options... we'll see. i'm guessing it's dorm housing & AM coffee-for-the-fishermen shifts, but the options are what this month is supposed to be all about. also happened to see a seemingly-perfect apartment ad 2 blocks from here, and i'll call on it tomorrow, but it seems too perfect. C reprimanded me about it, saying he'd see to it that i have the deposit if i need it-- which i love him for, and don't say so/show it enough-- but still. it all boils down to me needing a damn real job, a regular income flow, something to show on paper. which i block at every turn. why is that?

back to the beach?

in an effort to open my mind up & relieve stress about recent events, i've given myself permission to seriously think about leaving richmond. swore i'd finish the BA first, but it's been, what, five years since i took a class there? (seems impossible, but facts are sometimes hard to ignore, even for me.) moving back to the beach is tempting-- IT degree work will mostly transfer to TCC, and i'd still be close enough to commute whenever i can afford to go back to VCU (i've done that commute before, after all). and more importantly, i have friends there. and i do miss the water. poked around about summer resort jobs, thinking i could put all my stuff in storage and go on another crazy summer adventure, but that's unlikely-- i frankly don't have the balls to do that without money in the bank (or imaginary $ like last time), and i'd need a place that would have internet access to keep the RE job, which eliminates the places that look the most fun. (plus, those jobs pay nearly nothing-- i'd be lucky to cover furniture storage & my cell phone bill & student loan payment, much less come back with anything.) mostly just trying to free up my mind, not feel trapped. giving myself til mid-march to get anywhere close to deciding. in the meantime, the schedule at the cafe is tight as a drum, and i'm still broke as a joke (seem to have bought a car-- more on that later), so it's time to find another job. grr... i'm supposed to be updating my resume right now. off i go.

housing news

well. just when i thought i had nothing to report today, i checked the mail. seems my lease will not be renewed on this, my favorite apartment ever, so that my landlady can complete her renovation of the building. i'm stunned. i've long said that i'd never leave this apartment til i left richmond, and i'm not really ready to do that, but it's very difficult for me to imagine another alternative. i've got some soul-searchin and bullet-bitin to do, it seems.