austin bound

so, i'm really for real going to austin. plane tickets have been bought, cheap hotels have been reserved. i even just bought a ticket to the damn show that i'm flying all this way for, doh. (would've felt pretty stupid if i forgot that little detail and it sold out, no?) i'm arriving earlier and staying later than the rest of my austin-going friends, which is not at all an unfamiliar setting for me, and i'm excited about that. just wish i didn't have to work so many damn shifts to pay for it beforehand, specifically to have enough cash on hand so as not to worry that i'll be penny-pinching when i should be having fun. it's weird being all responsible & setting aside rent & paying various bills before counting out trip money. weird not being able to just whip out the credit card & stay at a nice joint, and invite my friends to join me, their budgets be damned. not that it's all that recent that i could do that, but given the specifics, and the history with same... it's weird. but good, i guess. "fun money" set aside for the trip is at a reasonable level-- now i have to focus on all the pre-trip stuff that i always forget to budget for-- carton o'smokes, bottle o'soco, tank o'gas to get me to a freakin airport that i can afford to fly out of... if i manage to add a small "new pair of boots" stipend this weekend, all will be well in my world. weird too to be going to texas & not seeing a single blood relative, but, first time for everything. i suppose there's still a chance we could take a side trip to san antone and i could run into my cool cousin who's in college there, but that's not likely. i'll be back soon enough. and maybe, someday, for good. i really do love my apartment, but aren't there a few cool pads in every city? a few days ago i got a tour of the one downstairs that's being reno'd, with the "new improved" central HVAC, and, um, no. they're not going through the walls, they're just dropping down the ceiling enough to fit in the ducts along the outer edges. which makes it feel smaller. if i'm assuming correctly that we'll also then have to pay for heat/AC, i'm really not interested, unless she can somehow throw in an off-street parking place. or, haha, keep the rent from increasing. ever. B: thanks for R's phone number. as expected, i haven't yet used it. i really did sorta want to go to that show tonight, but between "yesterday was my only day off from the cafe before i leave, why didn't i accomplish everything on this giant to-do list" and "oh yeah, i still have a crapload of work to do for my other job," i couldn't justify the time. naturally, i came home & spent an hour & a half on the phone chatting about the austin trip instead of working. oops. screw work. i gotta sleep.

cleaning, clocky, click

i'm just a posting fool this week. some unlikely urge toward productive-ness seems to have possessed me. i cleaned out the freezer this morning, at a time when i am not usually even awake. and by clean out, i don't just mean "scoop up the crumbs with a shovel," i mean "throw out all food that expired in 2004." when your frozen food is 2 years past its usefulness, you know you're a slacker. the best news i've gotten all day: the few of you who've been reading this for a while may remember that i spotted the most brilliant alarm clock idea EVER some time ago. it was only a grad school prototype, or some such, but apparently it is now on its way to market!! oh, clocky, how i've dreamed of the day... in other gadget lusting news: who knew you could buy a cassette player for your PC?! luckily for my budget, i don't have a desktop anymore. i wonder if they make an external version... oh, wait. that's called a boombox, isn't it. and more importantly, i stumbled upon a program that will keep you from playing with such toys when you're supposed to be working: the temptation blocker. problem is, if my Forty Thieves game is locked up for half an hour, i'll just go watch an episode of will & grace instead of working. maybe version two will include a taser that will zap me if i try and get out of my desk chair. or a more sophisticated timer that checks for keystrokes in the appropriate work software & adjusts your time accordingly... or maybe i'll just have to grow some willpower. sigh. what i learned this week by scrolling through the cable guide as a procrastination method: the US has a women's curling team!? today's main mode of procrastination: flickr. i'm lovin' it. (am i allowed to say that about a company other than mcd's, or do they have some wacky trademark?) used the excuse of my impending newly arrived! camera to upload & organize all my old digital pictures. after about half an hour, i used up my monthly freebie allowance, so i went pro. will post links soonish. in the meantime, i'll be wasting more time googling for plugins and toys. (suggestions welcome.)

a productive day off?!

got some work done on the to do list today... applied for both checking and savings accounts, and passed the initial screening, though i'm still waiting for final approval. wore my tony lamas yesterday... and bought another air purifier. oh, and i just spoke to JSR about my debt, got a payment address, and am shortly sending them about 15% of what i owe them. which means i need to pick up a few more shifts than i'd planned to pay for that plane ticket. so, i can cross a bunch of stuff off of my list. go, me. oh, and yesterday i adjusted my student loan payment to cut it in half, which is no good long term, but in the short term, it's the only way i'll be able to keep up on those payments and still eat away at the VCU/JSR debts, so that i can someday go finish. on a roll... just called VCU, too, which i'd been sort of scared to do. still not sure of the answer to the big question, but i got further instructions and contact info... the Q is, did the debt discharge, or is it like student loans, not eligible? fingers crossed, though i'm mentally prepared to have to pay it. just not financially prepared. next: laundry. baby steps.

why am i here?

no, i'm not attempting to discover my purpose on this planet via a blog entry... just my purpose in this particular city. i came here, originally, because B & i wanted to get back to virginny, i wanted to go back to school, he had a job here, rents were low... that was, what, 13 years ago? (oof!) i left for a while, and there was a time that i only lived here "because that's where my apartment was," as a wise man once said, but why now? why am i still here? i have one friend here who i really dig, and i never see her... many good friends live 90 miles away, and i scarcely see them either. B is only a few hours away, but i never get there, either... he'd be a similar few hours away by plane, if i lived elsewhere... a couple nights ago, when C made his near-monthly case for me moving to NYC, i thought, "sure, but i could just keep this apartment in richmond forever, because it's relatively cheap, and always have somewhere to come home to--" but is this really home? couldn't i move all this stuff to another sweet pad, in another city, with a balcony and an office, and feel the same? maybe in a city that had a less expensive airport? what if that new pad was closer to my aging folks, in an even more happening town? a town where men wear boots without shame, and i could ride horses more months out of the year? a town that was near road-tripping distance of the town where i'd like to someday pursue an MFA? the real reason i "can't" leave is school-- i swore i wouldn't leave til i finished my undergrad-- but that was years ago, and i've made no moves in that direction for quite some time. well, not in the direction of the BA, anyway. the AA could be had for a grand or two, and about 7 months... the BA for 4 or 5 grand, and about 9 months... do i care? can i break the pact i made with myself, if i find it doesn't matter anymore? what DOES matter to me anymore? location doesn't seem very high on that list. but is that a reason not to move, or a reason for my physical location not to matter one bit? comments welcomed on this matter... the town up for consideration is austin, at the moment, though it could be anywhere, really...

insomnia (again)

slept 2 hours the night before last. last night, another two hours. expected to crash hard last night, but after finishing RE work and a quick phone call, my mind had other ideas. nodded off around 3:20, respectable time, but then, icky, too-real nightmare. (well, too-real except for an appearance by the bringers, from BTVS. huh?) that's about when my brain woke me up, maybe thinking i'd had all i could handle. or something. woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. hours later, tried a nap, and like clockwork, the stereo downstairs + the construction upstairs nixed that. worked in a daze tonight-- warned all that i was loopy, managed not to screw anything up. robotic, but still sensitive to stimuli. kitchen guys snuck in an ipod for tunes; got pissy at another server at one point, then suddenly tom waits queued up, and all was well. same again later with nick cave, and then even later with "avalon." (which will never stop reminding me of hours-long sex at that bizarro A-frame cheapo studio we got evicted from, against all logic.) (and: am now burning some recent nick, and some birthday party, for said kitchen guy. instead of sleeping. and trying to decide which CW to include, mandatory.) also, decided i want to sleep with non-ipod kitchen guy, despite his cooties from his earlier affair with the gal i want to like but just can't. not like that stopped me with that other cafe guy last year.) goal was to work 6 days in a row and make $600 for the austin trip. i'm exactly on track after 3 shifts; so far so good. but now it's snowing. thank allah, it waited to stick til i got home, tho i'm theoretically illegally parked, given the construction. hopefully they'll take tomorrow off. my anxieties re bad weather driving, even only 8 blocks, had me on the phone trying to give up my shift this afternoon. glad no one took the bait. bought (ordered) the digital camera. hope it gets here before the austin trip. also hope cc bill that i put it on gets here too, so i can pay it off and have that "$" available to rent a car/hotel if need be. have miraculously set aside enough money for march rent AND student loan payment already, as well as random bills. am currently trying to calculate the last time i slept for more than 2 hours. can't remember. should probably stop typing. but: learned tonight, upon listening to nominees for the aforementioned CD inclusion, that i'm so still in denial, or something. but at the same time, constantly thinking of ways to make it better. i.e. never let such a love go walking alone, dialing a number only to be yelled at for anonimity, for want of comfort without connection. i used to think that was a good thing, i.e. the whole "if you love something, set it free" cliche. but where does that get anyone? floating around the world, knowing someone somewhere loves them. is that enough? i used to think so. now? not so much.

huh?

a feeling of being homesick for a period in the past that is almost present.

what's he building in there?

--my building is under serious construction. landlady put out a note saying they're updating the whole electrical system, in order to "accommodate our electronic equipment," but i didn't buy it. turns out she's installing heat pumps & central air, which i assume the ancient system couldn't handle. not all at once, just as people leave. a third of the building is empty right now, so it seemed like a good time to start. i'm assuming that will mean she no longer will be paying for the heat, which is the only way i can believe it. my current plans involve signing a new lease this summer (though who knows), so theoretically it won't apply to me soon. she mentioned that if i'm the last holdout, she might pay me to move into one of the other apartments temporarily so she could convert mine, but i've heard that before (about the water damage in the 2nd bedroom from isabel). just as surprising, i learned that the twits on the 1st floor, who i think are the ones who'd been calling the cops whenever the guys downstairs get noisy (the cops thing=a big pet peeve of mine) actually broke their lease and moved out over the heating issues we had last month. yeah, it was cold, but it's not like the landlady & repair people weren't out here constantly trying to resolve it. good thing those girls weren't here the last couple winters. notwithstanding the week w/o any heat, this is the warmest winter in this building in the 4 (5?) years i've been here. so, it's going to be damn noisy around here the next couple weeks. just as well, because i need to pick up more shifts at work. i now owe $$ to yet another institution of higher learning, so i'm not taking classes, which means my student loans require payment. (how am i going to pay those and pay off JSR at the same time? likely answer=i'm not. but that ain't gonna fly.) on top of that, my next vacation is shaping up to be more expensive than i planned, and it also will likely squash my idea of going to the carribean for my birthday. it seems that the CW tribute in NYC is not, as i assumed, going to be the liveliest of the set... also, the car i'm theoretically buying in NY will not be ready for me to pick it up by then... finally, EE can't make it to the NYC tribute, and it feels weird to go to one of them without her, given our history... she's pushing for austin, and CW's brother says that one will be the best. my family will be miffed if i go to texas without seeing any of them, but given the size of texas, that would involve a lot more money than just flying straight (haha, from richmond? as if) there and staying with EE's brother. my folks will understand-- i just spent two weeks with them a few months ago, and they have an idea how crazy i was about chris, but if any of my other relatives find out i was there... ah well. i suppose it's possible that february will be a lucrative month, but it's not likely, other than V-day. the austin vs NYC theory came directly on the heels of the news that i am now the holder of a line of credit, my first in many years. i applied for two credit cards and shockingly got both of them. tiny limits of course, but one of them has enough room to buy a plane ticket, even out of overpriced richmond. (the other one is still high enough to fly me out of a reasonably priced city.) i suppose i could have refused the 2nd one, once i was approved for the first, but i'd already put my netflix on the first (hence, having used it, i'd already have to pay the annual fee), and the 2nd had the higher limit and lower fee. weird, since the bank that gave it to me was one i owed to before, and wrote off in the BK. now all i have to do is get a checking account, so i can pay my bills at 3 am or whenever, rather than dealing with the money order nonsense. methinks the checking is going to be harder than the credit (counterintuitive, yes, but credit reporting issues are very strange), but i hope i'm wrong. yesterday i finally finished the DVD project that i started back in december. the videos had been almost finished-- edited, burned, mostly labelled-- but i still wanted to make covers etc. naturally, i ran into problems with that, too, but it's finally resolved, and all but one are in sealed packages waiting to be mailed as soon as the PO opens. also edited a CW show to send out to people. loving my new burner, which has made most of this possible! the light scribe technology has a ways to go to be truly impressive, but in the meantime, it's pretty cool. if only it didn't take half an hour to make a label, i'd use it for everything. my next splurge purchase will be digital camera (finally)... i've been planning to buy one for ages, and came close while i was in texas, but now that i have credit and can shop for a better deal online, it'll be soon. (plus, the theoretically impending austin trip makes me want one even more.) thinking about this canon... anyone have any thoughts/comments? i'm looking for: small, optical zoom (not just digital), at least 3mp, pref under $150. and no proprietary crap, like "uses only x-brand memory" etc. screw that.