Tuesday, March 28, 2006

smoke circles

i smoke too much. if i think too hard about it, i'm nudging the outer edge of a $100 a month habit. what the fuckity fuck. that's about the same as it would cost me to get some health insurance, if perchance i didn't smoke. the difference? yeah.

speaking of, recent days have found me offering the super-secret DVD to a gal who deserves it. thinking it should be public, yet thinking too it should stay private. anyone who has any idea what i'm talking about, ask me for it and i'll send it on. meanwhile, i'll keep watching it once every couple weeks and trying not to cry. and "praying" that no one else i love should ever, ever go away.

the more half-drunken nights in a row that i burn bacon and toss it on an english muffin and top it with havarti, the more i won't miss you. right? isn't that how it works? i'll keep telling myself that. in the meantime, my excuse for not visiting (anywhere) is the lack of the honda i paid for to appear. how many more months shall i wait for it, thinking of all the other things i could productively do with that money? 3. mid june is my official end, i just decided.

trying to decide what to do for my birthday. thinking the best present to myself would be to work my ass off all month so as to afford to do all the things i want to this summer: live in the upstate NY house that's been offered up again, with the "new" 50's ford to drive around... fly down to charlotte in june for that show... go to the rumored tributes in ft lauderdale and chicago... and still keep my kick-ass apartment in rva and my leisurely lifestyle. that won't take much money, will it? hmph.

"don't you dare tell me how this ends...

let me think it's alright, digging through the long night..."

Sunday, March 19, 2006

late night munchies...

things that make me happy and sad at the same time:
making mashed potatoes and fried eggs & ham topped with havarti at 3 am, all in a calphalon crepe pan, because dammit, i have all those things in my kitchen now... and thinking of days past when (a) i wished i could make such things but couldn't afford them, and (b) i made similar things without the goodies even tho i could afford them, but was too lazy. the memories are damn happy, but make me miss you (yes, you), and make me think of those other times when i held out the havarti for better days, nights, make me wonder what the hell i was doing then, make me wonder why... make me wonder why i ever left you. i'm an idiot, i know this much is true, but still. i always have havarti and bacon and what all else in my fridge these days. but the rest?

Sunday, March 12, 2006

post austin report

back from austin. i have to say, the city pretty well lives up to its hype. i could see myself living there someday, though at the same time, i have the post-trip feeling of "why move when you can travel?" within the US, one city is so similar to the next... they all have their high points and differences, but that's what god made cars and trains and airplanes for, no? i don't know... i think it's a good thing, will spur me to finish school so i have the option of moving, but without making me feel like there's nothing to do here in the meantime. if that makes any sense.

the tribute show was breathtaking. i wish we could've recorded it, though given the number of professional videocameras there, i'm assuming it will see official release. i find myself wanting to write about it, yet not finding any words. i'm so glad i went, is all i can say. waiting impatiently for the rumored chicago tribute to announce itself so i can go there too. in a way, these shows allow me to prolong my denial, and yet, they help me face it head-on. one way or another.

a few highlights from austin, before they fade into memory: south congress, with its vintage/thrift stores, held my attention before my friends arrived and kept it rapt even after. i found a near-identical replacement for the red leather overnight bag that was broken and thoughtlessly duct-taped by the airlines on my last trip to texas... got it, i think, at a place called new bohemia... also found the journal-sized purse-bag i'd been looking for forever, in my favorite pale-blue-eyes color, at a world-of-mirth type place called monkey see monkey do, but alas, i then found trophy's, where i lingered for several hours with the half-crocked owner and a past employee, and in the end i left my monkey bag on the bar when my cab finally arrived. (the delay caused by the cab hitting another car was not long enough for me to remember the lost goodies.) JJ, the past employee, was generous with her austin reco's (including some great SXSW info), and i used it to much advantage over the next few days, along with the reco's of my RE colleague who hails from austin...

saturday after the tribute i took the charlotte fools back to trophy's, thinking we'd still be able to circumvent the smoking ban there (and maybe recover my shopping bag), but alas, the drunken owner was not around, and we essentially got thrown out. we trekked afoot down to the continental club, where i'd long wanted to go, but were turned away due to W's supposed excessive drunkenness, which i question even now... he didn't say a word, was standing silently, waiting for us to pay his cover, i suppose, but apparently he looked like trouble. so, we got some takeout at magnolia & headed back to the hotel, where we had a blast until suddenly we didn't... the lone man climbed into the wrong choice of the two double beds, apparently, and then it was ON. luckily the conflict got taken out to the parking lot, so i could sleep, what with 6 am rapidly approaching... somehow all was forgiven, at least temporarily, and sleep was had. (and no one got any action, sadly, but that's not the point. and honestly, i doubt that was the point with the bed choice either, but whatever.)

next day, a brilliant lunch at threadgills-- my texas standbys, chicken fried chicken with mashed potatoes and fried okra-- and then we took the dawg to the river. it's amazing, really, how healthy all those austinites are-- we could barely fit down the trail for all the joggers & dog walkers. W & deke reappeared after near an hour of adventure wanting to move there immediately. next we took a car tour thru UT and other parts, then walked 6th street and the surrounding area up and down til we were sweaty and needed cold adult beverages. yet another tip from JJ back at trophy's led us to jackalope, which we fell in love with, and thus stayed at for much longer than planned. smoking lounge, firepit, kokopelli chalkboards, and even a small-world friend-of-a-friend bartender. hours later we tore ourselves away, lest we spend our entire time at only one bar... remembered JJ's dog-friendly reco, freddy's, which took some finding, but turned out to be a hit. outdoor patio where we could smoke AND bring the dog-- score! later we tried the continental club again with more success, saw a hot alt-y countr-y band, then realized we were beat & headed back "home." at least that's what memory says. next morn, we talked some smack about the goofy segway tours, but turns out they cost more than we were willing to pay, so after some restocking of liquor & smoke cabinets, W&E&dawg headed back to NC, and i vegged at the hotel til the next morn. kevin smith was in town but i was lazy & quite frankly worn out.

flight delays nearly stranded me in b'more for the next night, but southwest came to my rescue, as always, and held my connecting flight for over an hour til i got there. i freakin' love them. after a night on my brother's floor, i finally arrived home to my mess and my undone taxes and laundry and dammit, i'm glad to be home.

parting random thought: my new least favorite word is "webisode."