insomnia (again)

slept 2 hours the night before last. last night, another two hours. expected to crash hard last night, but after finishing RE work and a quick phone call, my mind had other ideas. nodded off around 3:20, respectable time, but then, icky, too-real nightmare. (well, too-real except for an appearance by the bringers, from BTVS. huh?) that's about when my brain woke me up, maybe thinking i'd had all i could handle. or something. woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. hours later, tried a nap, and like clockwork, the stereo downstairs + the construction upstairs nixed that. worked in a daze tonight-- warned all that i was loopy, managed not to screw anything up. robotic, but still sensitive to stimuli. kitchen guys snuck in an ipod for tunes; got pissy at another server at one point, then suddenly tom waits queued up, and all was well. same again later with nick cave, and then even later with "avalon." (which will never stop reminding me of hours-long sex at that bizarro A-frame cheapo studio we got evicted from, against all logic.) (and: am now burning some recent nick, and some birthday party, for said kitchen guy. instead of sleeping. and trying to decide which CW to include, mandatory.) also, decided i want to sleep with non-ipod kitchen guy, despite his cooties from his earlier affair with the gal i want to like but just can't. not like that stopped me with that other cafe guy last year.) goal was to work 6 days in a row and make $600 for the austin trip. i'm exactly on track after 3 shifts; so far so good. but now it's snowing. thank allah, it waited to stick til i got home, tho i'm theoretically illegally parked, given the construction. hopefully they'll take tomorrow off. my anxieties re bad weather driving, even only 8 blocks, had me on the phone trying to give up my shift this afternoon. glad no one took the bait. bought (ordered) the digital camera. hope it gets here before the austin trip. also hope cc bill that i put it on gets here too, so i can pay it off and have that "$" available to rent a car/hotel if need be. have miraculously set aside enough money for march rent AND student loan payment already, as well as random bills. am currently trying to calculate the last time i slept for more than 2 hours. can't remember. should probably stop typing. but: learned tonight, upon listening to nominees for the aforementioned CD inclusion, that i'm so still in denial, or something. but at the same time, constantly thinking of ways to make it better. i.e. never let such a love go walking alone, dialing a number only to be yelled at for anonimity, for want of comfort without connection. i used to think that was a good thing, i.e. the whole "if you love something, set it free" cliche. but where does that get anyone? floating around the world, knowing someone somewhere loves them. is that enough? i used to think so. now? not so much.