worked!?

made my triumphant return to the cafe tonight... or just, my old roomie remembered seeing me this week, & she made hot V-day $ & then didn't feel like working tonight. whatever-- i needed the dough. nice ego boost when not one but two coworkers remarked that i looked like i'd lost weight, when in fact i've (obviously to me) *gained* weight... both said "but your waist looks so tiny!" forgot that even back when i was much heavier, even in the "freshman 15" (which for me was more like 30) days, my waist stays the same size. (i'm lucky in that i gain proportionally.) i already felt healthier, but having people i barely know & who don't care about me saying i look thinner (which i know from decades on this planet means "better") felt good. anyhoo, the paltry $75 i brought home scarcely balances the $90 bill i got in the mail today (annual fee on an *almost* maxed out cc + annoying overlimit fee-- you'd think they'd suspend that if *I* wasn't the one to cause it to go overlimit, but you'd be wrong)... but it felt good to get out and earn some dough, see some people, just be out in the world. after, i responded to a CL ad for work + housing in the outer banks for the summer, which has been one of my "if only" options... we'll see. i'm guessing it's dorm housing & AM coffee-for-the-fishermen shifts, but the options are what this month is supposed to be all about. also happened to see a seemingly-perfect apartment ad 2 blocks from here, and i'll call on it tomorrow, but it seems too perfect. C reprimanded me about it, saying he'd see to it that i have the deposit if i need it-- which i love him for, and don't say so/show it enough-- but still. it all boils down to me needing a damn real job, a regular income flow, something to show on paper. which i block at every turn. why is that?