insomnia blues

ugh. i can't sleep. can't stop thinking about my apartment, about walking in after a vacation to that mess. and especially, about trying to get to sleep for the first couple nights. if only i hadn't broken up with P & could've asked him to stay there as usual while i was gone... well, in that case, i probably wouldn't be down here in the first place... ah, screw it, there's no good logic there. i talked to him last night, first time since we swapped our belongings. TM'd him, curious, asked whether he'd bolted in the AC when he installed it, and told him why. he actually couldn't remember whether he had or not-- WTF?!-- and i guess it seemed like the excuse i'd been looking for to talk to him, so i called. it was about 3am and he was closing the bar, so it wasn't much of a chat, but it was cordial, and it didn't make me feel any better. this is me moving on to other topics instead of blathering about why cordial isn't the right response...