dark

Nostalgic, heart sick, biding time til it hits me for real. soon I’ll have to force myself to write. I can feel it bottling, pooling at the neck. I had a peek of it today, listening to that VB show... the shows have been the right background music, for now, reminding me of all the joy, the connections, the love. When I chose that one, I was remembering the friends who came with, the time we had. The photographer they brought with, wanting to fix me up, and the laughs later over the flaw that kept me from ever bothering to speak to him again (his negative comments about the performance that he waited to share til I left the table—apparently he forgot I was taping the show, and he was sitting next to the recorder). It wasn’t the dedication that got me—it was the song. Knifed me with the fact that there’s nothing I can do for him in his dark.