something is wrong with the world when...

...i can take K-Y on the plane, but not toothpaste. or yogurt. (hi, stephen colbert.) oh, and if you were wondering about whether you can carry on that spare pair of contact lenses, you'll have to call TSA and listen to the interminable recording before being connecting to a real person (who will then ask your name, phone number, and flight information-- not that they'll use that info for anything, john or jane doe!), but if you want to know whether you can take your bubble bath, your transformer robot toy (?!?), or your spear gun, well, that information is spelled out very clearly on their website. because that's way more informative than whether i can carry items prescribed specifically to me in order to be able to read the instructions laid out by the security signs (at significant cost, given my lack of insurance, and the ineptitude of the first guy i paid) by a doctor. my chances of getting laid on this flight, given my available use of eyelash curlers but the ban on lip gloss, has been severly and unfairly curtailed. perhaps i should sue. that's the american way, no? i am not making any of this up: http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/prohibited/permitted-prohibited-items.shtm (but i'm also really quite happy to obey. as long as i can carry on my spare contacts. and some orajel for my tooth. and the hydrocodone script for the pain in said tooth. and the antibiotics therein. and some eyedrops for when all of the above dries out my eyes. and a bottle of water to help hydrate me after all that.... oh wait... erf. luckily i already gave up-- read: drank-- the traveler of southern comfort i bought to ease the stress of the trip. don't be surprised if a hysterical stranded post shows up from JFK tomorrow...)