the view from the balcony

2nd half of 2008 (abridged version)

2008-12-21T13:30:00.002-05:00

Since my last post:

June: forever vacated the beloved Richmond apartment, loaded the honda to the brim, put everything else in storage, moseyed down to daytona beach.
July: missed the tom waits show, don’t wanna talk about it, except to say: GRR! To make myself feel better, took a wacky side trip to the northeast that won’t be detailed here. (shame, really.)
Jul/Aug/Sept: chilled in florida, did a whole lot of nothing, in a good way. Decided nonetheless that I don’t want to move there just yet.
October: came back up the coast via the slow roads, stopping here and there—carriage ride in Charleston, roadside barbecue joint in Georgia, such like. Arrived back in VA in time for bro’s lovely Halloween wedding. folks & grandmother up from texas, spent a week w/them as planned, nice.
November: just before their planned departure, mom got scary sick, pneumonia and meningitis, strapped to a bed in ICU for days. Miraculously got thru it despite her beat-up immune system, but required a few extra weeks in wmsburg.
December: catching my breath, renting a room in Virginia beach while I decide if maybe this is where I wanna live for a while. job hunting, ugh.

What’s next??

sleepy suze sez...

2008-05-16T14:39:00.001-05:00

who got tom waits tickets? I GOT TOM WAITS TICKETS!!!!!

2008

2008-05-08T02:56:00.000-05:00

why, hello there, 2008! when did you get here? and what exactly is it i'm supposed to do with you?!?

seems i should relocate, for starters. and maybe rethink my life, and get off my arse. didn't i hear that same nonsense from 2007? hmph. perhaps this year i shall listen.

blue velvet

2007-12-16T06:19:00.000-05:00

in retrospect, i'm VERY lucky that the pyrex exploded while it was IN the oven, as opposed to right when i added the sugar/egg/lime juice mixture, which i suspect is what caused the problem. lots of tales online about people picking shards of glass out of their feet, which i'm happy to have avoided. not that it was fun cleaning it out (which i ended up doing last night-- couldn't get to sleep thinking about the mess), but better than the theoretical alternative.

today, i realized i'm lacking about $50 worth of connectors to get this schmancy new surround system hooked up, which annoys, as do the components and books full of CDs/DVDs lying around waiting to fit back in/around said components. patience, grasshopper... but what's the point of buying a "home theater in a box" if the box (which i could fit in btw-- so glad i decided to have it delivered, so that the fedex guy was in charge of carrying it up the stairs!) if the box lacks so many necessary cords? grr...

new roomie moved in today, and so far (only a few hours, granted), she seems much like the last-- happy to entertain herself mostly in her room, eats a lot of take-out (tho this one is culinary-school trained, but who wants to cook all night at work and then come home and cook for fun?), low maintenance. fingers crossed it stays that way.

baking adventures today: vegan cupcakes. i'm a big fan of lower-fat cooking (so that i can indulge in baked goods and still eat my bacon without falling over from a coronary on the spot), but i'm also a big fan of meat and dairy products. it's for charity, tho, and the demand is there (at least from a small coterie of the cafe staff), so i gave it a shot. i made marble cupcakes, on the advice of past favored roomie, and they turned out well, tho the marbling was a hassle. i don't think i've ever dirtied quite so many dishes making anything other than lasagna. two separate batches of dough, scooped into cups simultaneously, plus the curdling of the soymilk (eww) and the "butter"cream icing (which was shockingly delicious), plus the baking pans... oy. topped them with half an oreo, which are apparently vegan now (who knew), and suddenly they looked fancy. forgot to photograph them-- what am i, a food blogger?

but then i was warmed up and ready to make the "big" project i'd been looking forward to: blue velvet cupcakes. we had red velvet cake as a dessert special this month, for the ridiculous price of $7.95 a slice. a big slice, yeah, but i've seen the recipe, and relative to the rest of the desserts vs cost, that's ludicrous. however, it stuck in my mind, and i had to make it, with a twist of course. things got a little out of hand when i saw the peppermint extract sitting all alone on the pantry shelf, and i realized i hadn't come up with anything to do with the candy canes i bought, so, voila: peppermint blue velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing sprinkled with crushed candy canes:

they looked green on top out of the oven, but lo and behold, the food coloring worked, and they really are blue inside:

(brownies w/heath bar topping next to it there.)

now, again, i commence the hoping that i somehow miraculously wake up in time to get these goodies to the bake sale... not looking as likely today, given the time stamp, but i remain optimistic...

crash bang

2007-12-15T00:54:00.000-05:00

well. despite beginning the day on hold, waiting for the fedex guy, i miraculously managed to get my open house lists done, unpack the new surround system and get it halfway put together (need another set of hands to finish, to be sure i don't drop a second tv this year), AND made serious headway on my bake-sale baking. i had one or two recipes left in mind for tonight, then off to bed so as to wake up in time to get the goodies to the actual bake sale. and then... ugh.

already done: brownies, oatmeal butterscotch cookies, pumpkin bread, toffee biscotti...

brownie cupcakes (alright, i confess-- these came from a mix)...

and then, the key lime squares i've been so excited to try. i swear i followed the recipe to a T up til this point-- i adapted the streusel topping to add coconut, but that part hadn't made it to the oven yet. i was waiting for the first two layers to cook, sitting in the living room taking a smoke break, when i heard a disturbing crash coming from the kitchen. i tiptoed in, saw nothing out of the ordinary, and then i slowly opened the oven to find this:

looks like it's time for a drink.

pie, dude.

2007-12-12T03:34:00.000-05:00

so much i should've done today, yet all i accomplished, aside from wandering to the corner for smokes, was this apple pie w/crumb topping... not for the bake sale, but for me and my fruit-lacking diet. better than nada, no? maybe
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2303/2104624021_03e2d05873.jpg?v=0

snow!

2007-12-05T22:55:00.000-05:00

dude-- it's snowing! (er, it was earlier when i wrote this and forgot to post it, anyway.) guess it's time to accept the fact that it's that time of year... not my favorite. me & my wacky circadians don't do well with the short sun days, and i'm not a fan of chapped skin, and i hate hate hate driving in potentially icy precipitation... but i'll get over it. i do love *looking* at the snow, as long as i don't have to be anywhere & thus go out and drive in it. yeah, it's time to move farther south.

the apartment is shaping up-- been working on it in preparation for new roomie, moving in next week. got a rod from the landlady yesterday for a curtain to cover the broken pane, which will also help keep out the chill that comes in the still-unrenovated french doors. would be nice not to have to wear a sweater when the heat's set on 72-- even nicer not to have to crank it that high in the first place, of course. shame that the place will finally look its best six months before i'm moving out, but better late than never. given all the work i'm putting into it, i really should find an identical apartment wherever i move, so i can recreate it. (not really, but i sure am digging it. have to be careful not to allow that to let me fall back on inertia and thus end up signing another lease here.)

somehow got on a super-early wakeup schedule, which has my body confused. would like to stay on it, tho, given the lack of daylight. i've never been able to keep it up for more than a week, but perhaps this will be the week that 35 years of history finally change. not likely, though.

got an absolutely unexpected gift in the mail this week-- a $50 kroger gift card, woo hoo! spent it tonight on ingredients... next week is the cafe's annual charity bake sale. i usually take a trip this time of year-- great travel deals, half-empty planes between the holidays, etc-- but since it's not in the cards this year, i'm diving full steam into stocking the bake sale. planned so far: "my" yummy pumpkin spice bread, cashew biscotti, a banana bread to be determined, toffee biscotti, key lime squares (if i can find key lime juice anywhere this time of year), and i've decided to take a foray into the world of cupcakes. not exactly sure when or why cupcakes became so trendy, but the point is to raise $ for charity (the boys & girls club of richmond), which seems like a good enough reason to jump on a baking bandwagon. suggestions and/or recipes welcome! i'm in love with the idea of "faux hos," i.e. vegan versions of ho-hos, but, (a) whoa, labor intensive, and (b), do i really want to spend even more money stocking my kitchen with soy milk and pseudo butter? i'd much rather spend the time and money on bacon brittle!

bff

2007-11-24T04:47:00.000-05:00

just overheard from the party next door spilling out into my hallway: "the redskins are my favorite player in the WORLD!" i am WAY too old to be living in an apartment building anymore. seven more months til the lease is up...

i should admit here publicly that i did spend money today, against my better judgment. i did not go to any stores (tho i needed to-- i'm out of shampoo AND coffee), but i did buy something online, only because i forgot to do it several days running & actually will need the things i ordered within the next week (and no way am i hitting the stores this weekend). so much for my "buy nothing day" principles. i'd thought about ranting tonight about my stance on black friday, but alas, i'm too exhausted from, er, working black friday. yes, rampant consumerism pays my rent, and yes, i am still anti-black friday, and yes, i can justify it-- just not tonight.

boring belated update

2007-11-16T17:40:00.000-05:00

man, i've been working too much. better than not at all, i guess. didn't even pretend to do nano this year, tho the desire was there. having a hard enough time keeping up with the laundry.

i've reached 97% sure i'm not signing another lease here. been leaning in that direction-- haven't even hung my pictures back up since the reno, they're just leaning against walls-- but all the cafe-working has made me realize how bad the parking situation has gotten at night. i finally realized that part of the reason for my anti-social behavior is that i'm not willing to drive around in circles afterward for anything other than work. pathetic, perhaps, but there's a safety issue there, too. if i think too hard about it, my lifetime crime stats say that i'm not "due" for another year or so, but if that's the case, i should knock off the walking alone at night with waitress cash before too long.

in my whole life, even as a child, i've never called one address "home" as long as i have this apartment. i do love it, and if i could pick it up, move it elsewhere, add a parking spot, and drop the rent by half, i'd *never* give it up. but alas... point being, this will be a significant move, not just geographically, but emotionally.

i have a theoretical "plan B" that involves moving to norfolk, which has been on the short list for a while, but i haven't decided what "plan A" is just yet. story of my life: endless options, can't make a decision. still considering florida, but i don't think i'm quite ready for that just yet.

to that end, i'm considering not taking my usual december trip, though i'm not sure sanity will allow for that particular budget cut. more likely i'll just reduce it from a week in florida to a few days at any coast reachable by car. i need the sand and the tide desperately. gas prices will surely be outrageous by then, but still cheaper than a flight. finally convinced myself that a roommate is the answer to maintaining a non-depressing lifestyle while still saving for the move... started writing a "roomie wanted" ad for craigslist a few days ago, and just then a co-worker approached me about moving in. not entirely sure i believe that she's a homebody, but we'll have a sit-down in the next week & figure out if we can make it work.

over the past month, i've "randomly" run into several of my favorites of the people i've met during my time in richmond, some from the very beginning, just over a decade ago... people i've lost touch with of my own accord but wish i hadn't... and not one of those times did i think "hey, maybe i should stay here, there really are people i adore in this town." there's not even a small subconscious part of me that wants to stay here, not even a lame, destructive reason. no reason at all other than inertia, which even MY lazy ass is bored of.

"the prettier the flower, the farther from the path..."

funny quote overheard at work: a gal who is sweet and cute, but a few cards short of a deck, was attempting to deflect a flirtatious comment from a coworker, and instead of saying "don't flatter yourself," she said "don't try to pleasure yourself." it's the little chuckles that get me through the nights.

same night i came home and heard a commercial for the new beowulf movie: "if you think angelina jolie is hot in real life, wait til you see her in 3-D." um... am i the last one on earth to learn that she's not a real person, but instead a cardboard, two-dimensional fake, created by hollywood to sell movie tickets and gossip mags? or, perhaps, is that just the most idiotic commercial ever?

some nights i think perhaps i work with some of the dumbest people on the planet*, and then i come home and realize there are people who get paid 100 times as much to be just as moronic. which is ironic, because an original life plan of mine, made before everything changed drastically in 1989, involved me being an advertising exec by now, and being the boss of people who make such stupid commericals. oy.

(*i do actually like and respect some of my coworkers, which is one of many reasons i'll miss this job when i move. but let's face it-- it's the restaurant business. generously, it's 15% people who could do whatever they want but haven't figured out what that is or how to make it happen, 10% people who ARE doing what they want but that thing only pays part of the bills, 25% people who WILL do whatever they want shortly and are just subsidizing the path to that goal, and 50% people who can't do much of anything else. misery loves company.)

dreamwriter

2007-10-06T23:29:00.000-05:00

had an odd dream last night... not odd as in bizarro things that would never happen in waking life, but odd in as in it was literal to the point of being pushy in its lesson-giving. in it, i shared a semi-ordinary but touching moment with a beloved friend (who is now dead IRL), and when the moment was over, he said "later, i will write about this moment, as i have all the others we've shared." damn. fine, i'll start writing again. my subconscious could've at least given me a pretty metaphor or some such.

someone must've put an animal-magnet hex on my honda. my ownership of said car was delayed because a deer hit it-- wait, let me be clear: the driver stopped to successfully avoid a deer standing in the road, and then another deer came out of the dark and smashed into the side, causing thousands of dollars in damage. that was 6 months ago, almost to the day. yesterday, i was minding my own business driving down the road, and a bird slammed into my car. wtf?!? fortunately it hit at the best possible spot-- the mere few inches between hitting the windshield and coming through my open window-- and didn't do any damage-- but seriously. i've known many people who've hit an animal, or who've been hit by one. as a child i experienced an unusual sequence of events in which my folks' giant steel-bumpered blazer hit an almost equally giant buck at a dangerous curve, just seconds before a tiny car came around the corner-- had the other car hit the deer, the passengers would not likely have fared well, if they'd even lived-- so it's not as if i have some delusion that animals and cars don't occasionally come together in tragic ways. but how many cars have animals hurling towards them twice in the span of six months?

shopping

2007-08-07T23:12:00.000-05:00

looks like it's time to buy a new computer... and what a miserable time to do so. on top of the financial factor (just paid tuition), there's the vista issue. i will NOT buy a computer with vista on it, and as much as comps cost, i don't feel i should have to wipe a drive and install an OS. most everything online that still has XP is refurbed, which is probably what i'll end up getting-- not my choice, but options seem to be slim. dell still offers builds with XP (as well as open source-- sweet), but they take too freakin long to put them together & ship 'em, and given this laptop's shenanigans of late, and school about to start, i don't think i have time to wait.

yet again, i have the best coworkers a gal could want-- i mentioned that i needed a new comp & would probably have to go with a desktop price-wise because of tuition, and voila, they decided to give me a $1000 expense check. took quite the load off, stress-wise. since i'll probably go refurb anyway, i'm thinking i'll add that to what i was already going to spend and get a desktop AND a laptop. that way, i can do all my multimedia stuff on one & keep some of the bulky, problematic software off of the other, & thus hopefully extend the life of the work/school comp, and still be able to haul the latter around. it's a theory, anyway.

another advantage: i've been saying for a few years that i want to try going completely open source but not til i have an "extra" computer, so i can learn and experiment without compromising work or school (in case i screw something up). best case, this one will last a little while longer once i wipe it. not particularly optimistic about that, though... i thought this one was two years old, but two years ago i'd just dumped P and gone to florida, and i got this one when he dumped a drink on the old dell, so it must be three years. not too bad, i suppose, considering the heavy use, hundreds of random downloads, and loads of relatively unknown software i've put on the thing.

meanwhile, i've been hoping to get out of town any day now, but the last thing i want is to haul a bunch of new computer boxes up the stairs and then leave & have someone steal them while i'm gone (or try to, a la the aformentioned fla trip), nor do i want to order them & then not be here when they're delivered. more annoying scheduling "problems" (read: excuses) to keep me from getting off my ass and into the car-- just what i needed.

good school news, for once

2007-07-12T17:51:00.000-05:00

today started off quite well... i woke up to a call from a coworker with a fast & straightforward assignment, which is good because i've been lazy this week & a solid deadline will do me good. plus, it's a previous client who is serious about buying in the next two months, which best-case would put another possibility in line to pay for spring semester.

the next call was even better. i spent two days this week calling various vcu offices trying to figure out who i should talk to you about my sloppy pile of transcripts, to find out not only what i'll need when i get back there, but also what i should take at the comm college to prepare. (funny-- i'm forced to see an advisor at JSR, but i can't find one at VCU.) finally got a name & number yesterday, along with a warning that the woman i need is teaching two summer classes, which means she'll be hard to get in touch with for a couple weeks. lo and behold, she called me today. dealing with vcu over the past 13 years has involved a great deal of maddening phone tag & miscommunication & bad advice, so the mere fact that *she* called *me* makes me optimistic. she was even willing to deal with all this over phone & email, which is even better. the fact that she actually seemed to know what she was talking about? priceless.

bottom line looks like i have to take my last 30 hours at vcu (which i expected, in fact was worried that number might be higher). on top of the one pre-1700 english class i knew i'd still need (because of the nutjob who gave me an I years ago instead of "letting" me get less than an A), turns out there are 3 new english requirements since i left, so that's 12 hours... then there's the new "urban environment" gen-ed req, which they don't allow you to take elsewhere. apparently i also need a statistics class, and the one i was planning on taking this fall for the IT degree won't transfer, so i'll have to see if one that will transfer will also work for the IT. and there's still the one science. the woman made a good point: if i do the science at the CC, i'll have to take a lab (they wrap lecture/lab into one class), whereas if i wait and take it at vcu, and i can do lecture only, and use it to make up the 30 hours, since i don't *need* 30 hours otherwise. she also pointed out that astronomy is now an option, which has the added bonus of being a topic i'm actually interested in, making the prospect of paying $750 for a science class as opposed to $250 a tad easier to swallow.

more lovely news from that call: vcu has a "grade exclusion" policy for returning students (after at least 5 years), which means all those semesters i started & then blew off will disappear, and my gpa will shoot up. (the policy requires a 2.0 in the first 12 hours back, which won't be a problem, since i now have a reason to care whether i pass or not.) the only possible catch is, the one science lecture i already took ended in a D, so i might have to retake it. not the end of the world-- at least my lab credit is safe, and the new reqs only require one. ultimately, i'm looking at 2 more years in richmond, unless the "last 30 hours" rule will allow me to take classes at JSR and VCU at the same time-- and, more importantly, that my budget will allow same. the budget's still a question mark, but it's nice to finally know what i'm up against.

ah, and she verified that the stupid english class i'm taking now is all i'll need on that front. guess i'd better go write the paper that's due today so i don't have to repeat the damn class...

more school fun

2007-07-10T07:18:00.000-05:00

my really-for-real plan to finish my degree(s) has not subsided, and i've decided to take full time classes this fall, even if i have to eat ramen to do it. (or-- egads-- get a roommate.) to that end, i shushed my procrastination long enough to remember to register on time. only one more class that i need for the AA is available online, which means i'll actually have to go to campus regularly, so i need all my options open lest i otherwise get stuck with daytime classes. reg started yesterday, & i had already picked out a nice balance between boring gen-ed crap and hopefully-interesting crap. i confirmed with C that a commission check i've been expecting is indeed in the pipeline & should arrive within the month, & will be equal to or greater than what i need to cover tuition-- & sweetheart that he is, he offered to advance me the dough if the closing goes awry.

so, class numbers in hand, online i went. after twenty minutes of going around in circles with the not-at-all intuitive software, i finally had four classes in my "basket." (gee, when you call it a basket, i feel less like i'm giving up four nights a week for several months, and more like i'm buying something fun on amazon, or going on a picnic!), after verifying that i have 2 more weeks to pay, i clicked "enroll." anyone who knows anything about my history of educational issues knows what the next screen said:

"sorry, you can't do that-- you have a hold on your account."

yes, i hurled an object across the room. no, it was not my laptop.

but i REALLY mean it this time, so after i calmed down, i went right back to the site (instead of waiting six months and hoping the imaginary hold would just go away) and clicked through to the "holds" page. lo and behold, "there are no holds."

it's incredibly difficult not to assume that the universe just doesn't want me to go back to school, but i won't be defeated. at least not until this happens at least three dozen times. (mind you, that number is not far off.)

smartypants

2007-06-24T03:32:00.001-05:00

this week, the NYT tells of a study which reinforces that i'm smarter than my kid brother. none of our high school teachers would argue: he was one of those unfortunate 2nd kids with a memorable last name who got the "wow, you're nothing like your smart big sis" comments... as it happened, i sorta cared about my grades & transcripts (thought they would get me scholarships & help me get the fuck out of dodge) and he didn't. so yeah, i went to a top-rated college (and dropped out, and went back elsewhere, and dropped out again: lather, rinse, repeat) and frankly, the classes i'm taking right now? my brother could teach them in his sleep.

real-world facts: my brother not only makes more money than i do, but he's also my personal help desk-- if he can't fix it over the phone, i've been known to drive a laptop 90 miles to have him diagnose it. # of times in the last decade that i've called him for help of any variety? a zillion. number of times in that same decade he's asked me for help re the intelligent topics i'm so good at, with my supposedly higher IQ? zero.

who's smarter now?

catching up (again)

2007-06-20T01:29:00.001-05:00

this week i got my first financial scam email asking me to help get $58 million out of a bank by pretending to belong to some dead guy's family. all these years, and i've still never gotten one to my primary account-- this one was via school-regulated email. my spam filter ROCKS.

about a week & a half ago, i finally went to NY and picked up the honda i bought, oh, six months ago. (and started talking about buying over a year ago.) i named it immediately, which is a good sign-- after two years, the mazda never did get a name. this one is neko. or possibly nico. or, if i decide it's a boy car, it'll be niko, short for nikolai, which was, many moons ago, 's code name for the guy behind the whole car-getting. (maybe later i'll link to the post explaining that, too tired now.) i've never had a car act male before, tho, so perhaps it's irrelevant. at any rate, the car is now titled and registered in VA to moi. holding my breath now while i wait for someone from city hall to call me back about paying my property taxes. you'd think they'd find someone to talk to me if i want to GIVE them money voluntarily, but you'd be wrong.

good news is, the zippy little thing got home from 2 hrs north of manhattan on ONE tank of gas. 40mpg, baby! doesn't get that around town, mind you-- yesterday, running the AC because it was 100 degrees outside, i swear i could see the gas indicator falling, but whatever. C even paid for the CD player that i absolutely had to add (to replace the 1997 factory installed AM/FM radio) before leaving NY. my stupid car anxieties are quelled only by distracting myself by singing at the top of my lungs. rear speakers suck, but there's a pair still in the package floating around in the trunk, so no problem.

it's going to take a while to get used to having manual locks & windows, especially since i smoke a lot when i drive. reaching over to crack the passenger side window when i'm smoking and close it when i want to stop the wind to light up isn't the safest maneuver. had them in my first couple of cars, of course, but i wasn't a smoker then.

apartment renovation has made it so i haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in about 5 weeks. i'm moving back in to the new and improved old apartment tomorrow, despite the fact that it's not quite done. after i listen to a few more weeks of banging while they reno this one, i guess they'll get around to finishing mine. pain in the ass, yes, but the two classes i paid for with what would otherwise have been rent money make up for that. i sold the mazda on sunday, so if i keep working this month, i should be able to afford to get the hell out of here for at least a few days during the wall demolition. if anyone wants to offer me a bed, now's the time! (i'll be able to reciprocate in a few days, with CAC no less.)

the english class drama keeps getting worse. nevermind the peer reviewed essays, for which i have to find something positive to say about a paper that lacks basic structure and doesn't even answer the question posed in the assignment (and oh yeah, posits that men who hit their kids should be put to death)... while up in NY, i went on a road trip with C to pick up his new dobie pup, and i took the textbook & my notes along, to work on some assignments in the car. long story short, i left said books in the truck, and didn't realize it til i got back to RVA, at which point he'd loaned the truck to another friend, who had parked it in the NY garage, not very near anything. she was nice enough to fetch it and scan the pages i'd need for the coming 2 weeks, but the damage was already done, and i fear my grade will suffer. i really don't care as long as i pass, but given what this class represents, there's no real reason i shouldn't get an A. i mean, except for this whole dumbassery i pulled.

around the same time, i learned that i'd been working from the wrong edition of the HTML textbook for my web design class. found this out after completing the 1st 3 weeks of work for the 5 week class-- doh. so there went more $$ on a book that looks identical to the one i already owned, not to mention the hours i spent re-doing those tedious projects, and more hours error correcting HTML code. despite my usual love of all things detailed, finding the one little capitalization mistake in hundreds of lines of code that causes the whole page to go haywire is NOT fun.

that's enough catching up for now... should've been asleep hours ago. comcast and my moving help are both scheduled to arrive in about six hours. if anyone reading this has my # and is up early, i'd appreciate some wake-up call action anytime after 6:30am! ugh, that's four hours from now...

today, yesterday, whatever.

2007-05-25T01:53:00.000-05:00

yesterday, i suppose, was a big day here at the temporary casa. i enrolled in summer classes, woo hoo! first i had to drive out to campus and deal with the mystery hold on my account, which oddly enough may have netted me a future real estate prospect... but nevermind that. one of classes is the 2nd half of the intro-english class that i should've taken, oh, 15 years ago. actually, i shouldn't have, because i put in my time in AP english, took the stupid test, scored high enough that i would be exempt, which was the whole point... but alas. william & mary was happy with that, but my latter choice of college doesn't think that was enough. so i found a semi-loophole which allows me to take the damn thing at the comm college, where i was working on another thing anyway, at $86 a credit hour as opposed to however many times that... we shall see. sometime in the next few months i'll go see an advisor at VCU and find out whether i have to also take the first half. in the meantime i'll be re-reading "hills like white elephants" and "the yellow wallpaper" and suchlike, and paying for the privilege. gee, haven't i done this somewhere before? yeah.

after, i actually got out into the world & had dinner with an old friend, who gently reminded me that i'm working too hard to be so broke. he's right. more on that later.

this afternoon, i wandered next door to check on the reno, when the former tenant of my temporary apartment stopped by for her mail. happened to walk in on an argument about whether the ceiling fan had been properly grounded, and after i returned, i took a nap. had a dream... in such, i was sitting here minding my own business when some commotion happened and i was alerted that the building was afire, and i needed to get the hell out. in the dream, i was dressed as i was in real life-- naked but my favorite robe-- so here's what i grabbed: a pair of sweatpants drying on the bathroom door, my laptop (duh), my keys, the proverbial "box full of letters" (which sits right now next to the DVD player and contains correspondence from TAFKAMH and SLL), and then... i was torn. should i grab the CD book full of CW shows, or the pictures and ticket stubs? in the dream i then grabbed my favorite suitcase, turned it upside down to empty it of whatever i packed in it for the move, and... i couldn't decide.

hmph.

i don't hate everyone... really!

2007-05-20T00:40:00.000-05:00

last week i moved across the hall to my temporary digs while "my" apartment is being renovated. this place is a dump, but it's free for now, so it's hard to complain. also, in the process i scored two free (nice, old) wardrobes, a couch that's actually long enough for me to fall asleep on without waking up in pain, and an entertainment center that i'll be giving to my brother for helping me move. main drawbacks are living next door to constant construction noise, living beneath the loudest people in the building (i don't complain because -a- it makes me feel old, and -b- their loud music is actually good stuff; today they were blaring the neil young massey hall disc), and not having an end date (i.e. not knowing when i'll suddenly need to pull the new rent out of my ass). bright side is, the money i would otherwise be paying on rent can instead go toward taking classes so that someday i'll allow myself to leave this town that i've been done with for years.

one of these days i'll even go pick up that car i bought months ago. thought it would be this week, but alas, there's a hold on my JSR account that i need to deal with in person. if i go to NY this week, i won't be here to do that unless i only spend a day up there, which is no fun. so that will happen after memorial day, because i will NOT drive I-95 on a holiday weekend unless jimi hendrix rises from the dead to play a show at the knitting factory. even then, really, i'd take the train home & go back for the car later. screw holiday weekend traffic.

meanwhile, i've been working at the cafe. last weekend, i moved furniture saturday, then: mother's day, one of the busiest restaurant days of the year, but alas... people suck. for once, i stayed in an early section, because there were a crapload of reservations & i figured i'd make just as much money. had a 15-top at 4:30... didn't show up. two-top at 4:45? no show. finally dropped the 15 for a ten-top at 5 o'clock? also didn't show. so i spent the first 90 minutes of my shift twiddling my thumbs and left a scant few hours later with $100 less than i expected to make, after taking the week "off" thinking i'd be fine for money... oops. monday was inexplicably more of the same... and then there was tonight.

this weekend is proms, VCU graduation, all manner of family-in-town, big parties, total chaos waiting to happen. such weekends are no fun partly because a lot of the people out & about are those who eat out only a few times a year, and it's always easier to wait on people who *know* how to go out to eat, as opposed to those who don't understand that they need to put down their cell phone when their waitress approaches the table-- especially when it's so busy they had to wait an hour for said table & will wait another hour if they insist on ignoring their server when she approaches. (ahem.)

i'm not one of those servers who predicts tips based on random expectations-- "oh, they're black, they're foreign, they're redneck, they're not drinkers"-- whatever-- i absolutely hate servers who base their service on what they think people are going to tip. it's unprofessional, it's rude, it's just wrong. having said that, i do sometimes predict tips based on how a table is going-- whether they're in a good mood, whether they enjoy the food, how long they wait for a table, etc.

tonight my first large party was all the things that bad servers think will get them a good tip-- drinkers, professionally dressed, blah blah-- and yet they didn't spend much & left me about 16%. fine, no big, plenty of others waiting. (tho they did tip in cash after paying with a credit card-- if you're reading this and don't already know, cash tips are always better than writing it in on the credit card!!) i went to the hostess stand to help brainstorm about where we could possibly fit all the reservations, and scored myself a later 8-top with some creative table rearrangement.

when said table showed up, we had a problem-- first off, we'd squeezed them into a table that was too small for them (skinny people who really like each other are easier to seat, but they're also very rare), and further, they had one more person than they'd reserved for. as it happened, my original 10 top had just left, so we could accommodate them in my section within a few minutes. rather than ignore them while the hosts did their magic, i took their drink order, carefully looking everyone in the eye so i could recognize them & match them up once they moved. once they were at the new table, i got the drinks right but i accidentally tripped over the grandmother's cane that was propped against the wall where i needed to stand to take the order (oops #2), and frankly, they didn't really seem to want to engage me in any banter-- which is fine, i enjoy waiting on people who are just there to eat as much or even more than people who want to have a good time and include their server, but less talkative tables are less likely to overtip. no big deal-- given the reservation list, i didn't expect to make more than $75 or so for the night-- large reservations require us to block off tables at least half an hour prior, which means less money. (if only management understood this!) mother's day was recent enough to remind me of this.

the food came out relatively promptly (and correct-- the kitchen was on point) but one of the desserts they ordered turned out to be unavailable, which is never good-- i'd rather a dinner ran out, because the closer the "oops" to the check drop, the more likely people are to take it out of the tip... but all was well otherwise. i didn't pay the table as much attention overall as i would've liked, because i had three other new tables about the same time, but all in all, i figured i'd get at least 15%. boy, was i wrong.

i'd kept the party on separate seats just in case they needed separate checks later-- too hard to predict that on "family" weekends. on graduation weekend, it's customary that a grandparent or other family "elder" pays for the whole check, and as a result, it's more likely that you'll see 15%. (other times, you get family members together who really don't like each other but are obligated to see each other for this event, and as such you have people who refuse to pay for each other-- i get that.) this particular table asked for one check, and i dropped it after coffee without really knowing who was paying. when i went back to pick it up, i got the "thank you" & nod that means it's cash, and the change is my tip. i have a rule about checking books on the floor-- i don't do it, ever, because we all reveal with our faces, and i think it's unprofessional to show emotion about tips in front of other customers, so i took it in the back to take a look.

and then i counted, and recounted. ordinarily, if i get an unusually good cash tip, i'll hang in the back for an extra minute, til i think the table is ready to leave, so that i can thank them on the way out. in this case, contrary to some of my crappy rude server cohorts, i immediately went back to the table-- i was sure they'd miscounted. the check was $220, and there was $360 in the book. $40 is a completely respectable tip on $220, about what i'm after on graduation weekend... but they were all $20's, so it's not as if two hundreds were stuck together. stilll... i'm good at my job, but damn. i went back and asked "who was in charge of the bill?" and addressed the answer with my theory of miscounting, but he refused to take a second look at the cash inside, instead saying "i counted twice-- you did a great job, thank you" and the woman next to him actually gave me a little clap.

on their way out, the bartender happened to overhear the guy who paid thank me very sincerely again, and the bartender said "ouch, you just got a verbal tip!" and oddly enough, it is indeed my experience that the more sincere the out-loud "thank you," the lower the tip percentage, but in this case i told him he should be thanking them too... because i am a true believer in karma. since the tip was in cash, i could've easily kept it to myself & tipped out on the "expected" amount, given the fact that due to reservation holds, my sales were pretty low, but instead the bartender ended up making $10 more from me than he would've otherwise, as did the dishwashers. everyone wins! i also have a rule that if i walk with more than $200, i buy the kitchen staff their first drinks, but alas... my few other tables tonight were mostly once-a-year folks & only left in the vicinity of 12%, so the kitchen, while they did a fantastic job, is out of luck. ;-)

so i'd just like to send a thank you out to the universe to those very sweet people who completely made my month. they would automatically be my favorite table of may, but i have to say they're tied with the table who, last weekend, very sincerely thanked me for working on mother's day so she could take her own mom out to eat. i don't remember how much their check was or what they tipped-- on very rare occasions, an "oral tip" means as much or even more than a financial one. (very rare! pls don't think your compliment will somehow magically pay your server's rent!)

and one that note, my sleepy pill is kicking in-- fingers crossed that it doesn't do as tylenol PM & give me the knee-jerks. i know the construction noise will wake me up, gotta get to sleep so i can do it all again tomorrow... tho i'm smart enough to expect a much less lucrative night then.

memeeee

2007-04-06T00:25:00.001-05:00

i inexplicably have to be up early tomorrow, but i feel compelled to do this funny meme i've seen here & there. the image results are mostly... huh??

1. Your age on your next birthday: (hey, that's today!)

2. Your favorite color:

3. Your middle name:

4. The last meal you ate:

5. Your bad habit (i swear i typed in my brand of cigs, i don't know where this shite came from but i love it):

6. Your favorite fruit or vegetable:

7. Your favorite animal:

8. The town you live in:

9. The name of your pet or last pet:

10. Your SO or best friend's nickname:

12. Your crush's name:

13. Your occupation:

14. Your birth city:

15. Your favorite song:

car bizarre

2007-03-20T23:30:00.001-05:00

so i bought that honda, finally, though i haven't physically picked it up & titled it etc, because i want to sell the mazda first. no sense paying insurance on two cars when i only drive 3x times a week. this afternoon i took photos of the mazda for my ad, and while i was cropping them in photoshop, i noticed something odd... my front license plate does not match my rear plate! wtf? i vaguely remember having a hard time with one of the bolts on the front, but surely i wouldn't have given up and gone driving around with one old expired plate and one new, right? nope, checked the renewal notice i just got in the mail, and neither of those plates is mine. whoever stole them was "nice" enough to replace them with other plates (likely stolen?) so i didn't even notice.

weird thing is, it probably happened quite some time ago... back in november of '05, i got a letter from a gas station way on the southside (where i never go) saying i had driven off without paying for gas. i called the cops then, not wanting any trouble (VA promotes that they'll take away your license if you get busted for a drive-off), and they said not to worry about, figured it was probably a blurry security camera, or perhaps they were just off a digit and pulled my info by accident. i'm embarrassed to report that i didn't walk down the street that day & check my plates closely-- doh.

thought about ignoring the whole deal, since i'm about to sell the thing (and apparently i've gotten away with it this long), but i figured i'd better at least file a police report just in case. plus, my luck with DMV is notoriously abysmal-- with my luck, i'll get pulled over tomorrow while i'm running errands & accused of stealing the plates-- since i just reported them suspicious myself.

the other weird thing? the front plate is easy as pie to steal, but to get the back plate off (and replace the inside nuts, as was done), you have to get into the trunk. which means whoever it was either broke into the car without me noticing, or they had keys.

to be a woman and to be turned down...

2007-03-15T01:30:00.000-05:00

reasons to work more often: one of the first things i found out tonight while at the cafe was that patti freakin smith has a new album coming out. an album of covers! and, as it turns out: an album of covers of some of my favorite songs ever!! i had an obnoxious out-loud moment of "wtf? how do i not know about this?" but whatever-- thank goodness one of my occasional co-workers listens to NPR. (funny that it came up after she revealed that some off friend had talked her into going with him to a justin timberlake show... whatever.)

so i came home and fumbled around online looking for said patti CD, found out it comes out in late april... ok, but i wonder what else i've missed? got the new lucinda last week, but haven't otherwise been paying attention, since chris died... and that's how i came across live at massey hall. holy... holy all things holy. i don't know whether i want to hug (um, etc) or smack the smack out of whomever has been hiding this in their vault since 1971. the acoustic version of cowgirl in the sand? excuse me while i put that on half a dozen mix tapes-- er, CDs...

damn, turns out there's a new maria mckee coming out the same day as the new patti...

random media

2007-03-14T10:20:00.001-05:00

somehow, years ago, i missed the fact that dear gabo not only bought a litmag but also wrote an article on bill clinton for said mag. best line: "puritanism is insatiable and feeds on its own excrement." i was planning on rereading 'cities of the plain' this week, but i believe i just changed my mind.

speaking of cormac... had a weird multi-day, dream-induced, dark train of thought going last week, and one of my random musings was that it was a shame that surely no one would dare take on the task of making a movie of 'the road.' so depressed by this thought was i that i've watched the lame movie version of 'all the pretty horses' more than once of late. (ooh ooh, the coen's 'no country for last things' is in the can!) but whaddya know, someone has. apparently john hillcoat plans to direct-- i know nothing of him except that he directed the nick cave-penned 'the proposition,' which is sitting in the stacks waiting to be watched. just got pushed to the top of the list, natch.

worked!?

2007-02-17T05:01:00.000-05:00

made my triumphant return to the cafe tonight... or just, my old roomie remembered seeing me this week, & she made hot V-day $ & then didn't feel like working tonight. whatever-- i needed the dough. nice ego boost when not one but two coworkers remarked that i looked like i'd lost weight, when in fact i've (obviously to me) *gained* weight... both said "but your waist looks so tiny!" forgot that even back when i was much heavier, even in the "freshman 15" (which for me was more like 30) days, my waist stays the same size. (i'm lucky in that i gain proportionally.) i already felt healthier, but having people i barely know & who don't care about me saying i look thinner (which i know from decades on this planet means "better") felt good.

anyhoo, the paltry $75 i brought home scarcely balances the $90 bill i got in the mail today (annual fee on an *almost* maxed out cc + annoying overlimit fee-- you'd think they'd suspend that if *I* wasn't the one to cause it to go overlimit, but you'd be wrong)... but it felt good to get out and earn some dough, see some people, just be out in the world. after, i responded to a CL ad for work + housing in the outer banks for the summer, which has been one of my "if only" options... we'll see. i'm guessing it's dorm housing & AM coffee-for-the-fishermen shifts, but the options are what this month is supposed to be all about. also happened to see a seemingly-perfect apartment ad 2 blocks from here, and i'll call on it tomorrow, but it seems too perfect. C reprimanded me about it, saying he'd see to it that i have the deposit if i need it-- which i love him for, and don't say so/show it enough-- but still. it all boils down to me needing a damn real job, a regular income flow, something to show on paper. which i block at every turn. why is that?

back to the beach?

2007-02-15T02:32:00.000-05:00

in an effort to open my mind up & relieve stress about recent events, i've given myself permission to seriously think about leaving richmond. swore i'd finish the BA first, but it's been, what, five years since i took a class there? (seems impossible, but facts are sometimes hard to ignore, even for me.) moving back to the beach is tempting-- IT degree work will mostly transfer to TCC, and i'd still be close enough to commute whenever i can afford to go back to VCU (i've done that commute before, after all). and more importantly, i have friends there. and i do miss the water. poked around about summer resort jobs, thinking i could put all my stuff in storage and go on another crazy summer adventure, but that's unlikely-- i frankly don't have the balls to do that without money in the bank (or imaginary $ like last time), and i'd need a place that would have internet access to keep the RE job, which eliminates the places that look the most fun. (plus, those jobs pay nearly nothing-- i'd be lucky to cover furniture storage & my cell phone bill & student loan payment, much less come back with anything.) mostly just trying to free up my mind, not feel trapped. giving myself til mid-march to get anywhere close to deciding.

in the meantime, the schedule at the cafe is tight as a drum, and i'm still broke as a joke (seem to have bought a car-- more on that later), so it's time to find another job. grr... i'm supposed to be updating my resume right now. off i go.

housing news

2007-02-01T09:04:00.000-05:00

well. just when i thought i had nothing to report today, i checked the mail. seems my lease will not be renewed on this, my favorite apartment ever, so that my landlady can complete her renovation of the building. i'm stunned. i've long said that i'd never leave this apartment til i left richmond, and i'm not really ready to do that, but it's very difficult for me to imagine another alternative. i've got some soul-searchin and bullet-bitin to do, it seems.

whine du jour

2007-01-30T20:49:00.000-05:00

Man, I’m broke. Technically I have six more days to make the $250 that I’m short for the rent, but the same week there’s car insurance and what all else. I woke up today with time to try to pick up a shift, but I didn’t go. Something in my brain is waiting for a deadline, for a “now or never,” like it has always, annoyingly, done. Most of me craves freedom and flexibility, but that little lazy part that won’t do anything til a week after it’s necessary seems to control my moving parts. It’s nearly always been this way; it’s nothing new. Things always “work out” eventually. How else would I still have a roof over my head, a car to drive, food to eat? Problem is, it gets to a point where I so resent the lazy part that I think, maybe I’ll let the roof go, so the other part will be forced to take over. I’ve done it before. Always makes for a good adventure, but dammit, I’m a grownup. I’ve learned how to keep the roof and still go off on the adventure. (Haven’t I?) and anyway, adventure is not what’s lacking, big picture. It’s the dailies. They’re boring, black & white, lacking in plot. Sounds easy enough to fix, but the motivation escapes me. bought a jug of vitamins a couple weeks ago, but I haven’t gotten around to actually ingesting one. the intention is there, the follow-through is not. for now, for a step, as per fchornik’s wise recommendation, I’ll try writing hereabouts (or nearby) every day, even if this boring shite is all I have to say. get the fingers moving, maybe those pesky lazy parts will follow.

“I thought if I toe the right lines
But these mockingbirds won’t let me shine.”

(--grant lee buffalo)

mess

2007-01-27T21:35:00.000-05:00

i'm a mess. no getting around it. been wandering around in said mess, playing solitaire like it's my job. saw something tonight that made me realize something... can't explain more than that. sent me back to some old journals, knew i needed to find something there. at the moment, the thing seems to be the following, from charles simic's 'the unemployed fortune teller:'

"it's your birthday. the child you were appears on the street wearing a stupid grin. he wants to take you by the hand, but you won't let him.
'you've forgotten something,' he whispers. and you, quiet as a mutt around an undertaker, since, of course, he (the child) doesn't exist."

and from the same essay ("the necessity of poetry," appropriately enough):

"i tiptoed so as not to wake the dead man."

wish me luck wandering out of the mess. and for the courage to step off the cliff that, according to my notes, i've been hovering above for about a decade.

blue lights

2007-01-14T02:24:00.000-05:00

the crime spike i was worried about over the holidays is apparently on a time delay. i think it was two weeks ago that i slowly realized, at 3 or 4 am, that the flickering lights on my wall were not just from the candle & tv, but also from several cop cars and a paddy wagon blocking the corner nearest my building-- no lights, no commotion. now, tonight, about 1:50am, i was watching tv, with the air purifier running, so plenty of noise both white and otherwise, when i heard voices that seemed to be too loud. i paused the show, listened for a minute to see if they sounded menacing. i'd usually ignore it, given the time frame on a saturday night, but i'd heard some popping earlier that i assumed to be leftover fireworks but couldn't be sure. next thing i hear is a car going WAY too fast, but before i could even wonder where i'd left my phone, the car got close & turned abruptly into the alley across the street, and i could see the blue lights. so, i figured whatever it was, somebody was on it. not five minutes later, i realize there's blue on my wall again, look out, and again several cop cars, lights on, blocking the corner. huh. a few minutes after that, i hear another sound, a louder idle, and it's parked in the middle of the street in such a way that i can only see the front, but it's ~~either the paddy wagon again or~~ an ambulance. just then more lights arrive, park directly across the street from my building, cop gets out on foot and heads down the alley (not looking in much of a hurry, but appears to be reaching for something else on his belt). and in the time it took me to write this, a full 25 mins after i first heard the noise, another cop truck of some sort (with blue lights) just drove down the alley, tho i can hear that the first one is still idling at the corner.

as if my anxiety levels weren't high enough.

pumpkin

2007-01-08T23:22:00.000-05:00

well whaddya know, i actually made it to training on time this morning. amazing! now i just have to repeat that feat for several weeks. my DSPS is proving itself... despite tylenol PM and no nap, i am not the least bit tired right now. (thanks to bb, fellow sufferer, for the sleep link.) planning on experimenting with melatonin, but i'll wait for the weekend, since i haven't used it in years.

the training itself was as boring as one might imagine. we were basically taught how not to be rude to clients. huh. good news is, it seems AM traffic is mostly done by that time-- it only took 10 minutes door to door, which is good because i left 15 minutes later than planned (because of course i slept through my sonic boom alarm AND about 8 cell phone alarms). thanks to frank and clay for attempting to call-- don't know what my phone's problem was.

and now i must attempt to turn into a pumpkin. it just feels so wrong...

sleep becomes her

2007-01-07T17:31:00.000-05:00

sleep schedule preparation for the new job is going quite poorly thus far. if anyone is up & has a minute any M-F this week & wants to give me a wakeup call anytime b/w 7 and 8 am, i'll appreciate it. today i slept through one alarm and 3 calls... and training starts tomorrow. ugh.

almost finished moving furniture back into the spare bedroom, finally. (come visit, y'all!) other than that, and some real estate work, i've accomplished precious little this week. ugh again. school starts tomorrow, and i haven't been to campus yet. if they'd let me pay off my outstanding balance by phone, this would be a lot easier. still driving on an expired sticker, so i'm trying to limit my motoring, but starting tomorrow, that won't really be an option. training ends at noon, so perhaps i'll find a place that will inspect it after.

wish me luck... and please no calls after 11pm this week, friends! (i know-- it seems so wrong.)

new year, new job...

2007-01-03T22:37:00.000-05:00

it seems i've bitten the bullet: i start training for a 9 to 5 job on monday. (pause for WTF?!) it's seasonal, so it's not a permanent lifestyle change, but it will take some adjustment. hence, starting tonight, it's on with the melatonin and time to start setting an alarm clock again. like a complete space case, i forgot during the interview to ask how much it pays, so it's still possible i won't take it, but it's unlikely at this point.

the job is basically admin & customer service, a rough combination of the two jobs i have now. it's a tax office, so it's something new to learn (80% discount on their online classes for employees), which is always fun. and the seasonal aspect will give me a chance to try out this whole day-job concept (for the first time in almost a decade) and see if i can really hack it before considering something more permanent. not a bad way to start off the year, given my realization that i need to do more working this year and less being lazy. i'll keep the real estate gig, of course, and i'll be able to pick up shifts at the cafe on the weekends. in theory, this means i can still take a nice big trip whenever this job is done for the season. (didn't get a solid answer in the interview on when that would be, but i'm assuming late april.) and if the pay is decent and/or if i buckle down and work weekends in february at the cafe, i could still do a quick weekend trip in march & catch a couple spring training games. (decided against bike week for several reasons.) and, of course, this leaves me the theoretical option of spending summer in new york for the third year in a row. add to that the fact that i won't have to drive around searching for a parking spot after work, and the pro list well outweighs the con list (which consists of the early wake-up and the sudden lack of schedule flexibility).

so, tomorrow i'll find out how much it'll cost my car to pass inspection, and hopefully after that i'll go register for at least one class at JSR. i was hoping for at least two, both for general progress and for loan deferment status, but i have a feeling the car is going to suck up a chunk of the school money. plus it's been so long since i've worked more than 30 hours or so a week, i should probably ease back in carefully.

private to TAFKAMH

2006-12-31T00:07:00.000-05:00

B:
twas lovely to hear your voice the other night, but when i tried to call back, i got a couple rings and then no machine or voice mail. try me again?
love you--
C

edit: can't believe i did this, but since you and my brother both insist on blockin yer myspace blogs, i put up a damn page there. sign of the f'in apocalypse. took me about five minutes to accidentally find a couple ex-boyfriends i really didn't want to see... kindly send me yer name or whatever there so i can stop poking around?

balls

2006-12-19T06:57:00.000-05:00

just when i think i've heard it all, here come neuticles! i'm still holding out hope that this is a joke...

grown-up thoughts

2006-12-16T03:59:00.000-05:00

florida was a blast... didn't take many pictures (again) other than at the ponce inlet lighthouse. see 'em here. tales from the trip later.

woke up yesterday with two full, grown-up thoughts in my head: i need to work more, and i shouldn't take the whole month of march off as planned. in general, the most in my brain when i wake is "what time is it? & do i have to be anywhere today?" so these thoughts took me quite by surprise, and further, i figured i should take them seriously. so since then i've been stressing, job-browsing, and doing financial math. thinking about borrowing enough from C to take some classes in the spring, at the very least. put up a roomie ad today, which i wasn't planning to do for a couple months. applied for a seasonal job or two. i'd been thinking i'd skate by for another few years, line up a semi-real job and be in the swing of it by the time i turn 40. (odd that i had no trouble picturing or handling 30, but 40 just doesn't seem possible.) now, though... i'll likely need to replace the car and the laptop within the year, not to mention the remaining dental work, and the week away as always made me want to move, which leads again back to the school thing. obstacle in common: money. perhaps it's finally time for me to act like a grownup.

bah humbug.

back to florida

2006-12-06T17:33:00.000-05:00

made it to florida safely... flights all on time, priceline car was waiting for me (actually i got to pick from among several) with no hidden fees. the hotel is exactly as described EXCEPT for a major internet snafu, which has been mostly solved, though not until after i didn't have time to get my damn work done. ah well.

last night i was beat, had a drink in the hotel bar (no one else there, no smoking allowed, bartendress was nice & from new orleans, so we traded "the bars close WHEN?" stories...) then walked to a chain restaurant for food & had a server w/a good bar reco, but by the time i was done eating, i was beat from the travel day. inexplicably paid out the nose for a hotel movie & fell asleep before it was over. ah well. it's only money, right?

today was eaten by the internet problem and the search for milk for my coffee. yes, there are shops everywhere here in tourist central, but for some reason orlando is against U-turns, so getting back becomes a hassle. no worries, just a time-sucker.

this afternoon i finally went for a trail ride at horse world stables... hadn't been on a horse in way too long, so i would've taken whatever i could get, but it actually was nice. an hour plus, sweet guide, and luck of the draw had me up front. my horse unfortunately tripped repeatedly when we were trotting-- i lost count after six-- and if it had been my first time on a horse, i would've been scared shitless. (we didn't get to pick our horses.) his name was TJ, and though he was sweet, he was thus far my least favorite horse i've ever ridden. (though he had a lot to live up to.)

now i must call gun range boy before he gives up on me and makes other plans for the night. wish me luck...

(by the way-- it was almost 80 here today. i could used to this...)

priceline

2006-11-28T01:58:00.000-05:00

well, i just used priceline for the first time ever, fingers crossed that the car i booked will be where i need it when i need it for the low low price i just paid. if anyone has experience with them... well, i probably should've asked that before i punched in my credit card number, eh? despite my cheapo travel habits, they've never appealed to me. flight times are an issue for a problematic sleeper like me, and if you're dealing w/2 star hotels, as i often am, you really need more info than they give before committing. with the cars, though, they narrow it down to three major carriers, all of whom i've used before, so i felt confident. i actually lowballed for my first try, thinking it would be rejected, just to go through the process and see how it worked-- but lo and behold, i snagged it-- $17/day for a midsize. now i'm wondering if i should've gone lower-- but i guess that's sorta the point. at any rate, this way saved me about a hundred bucks.

part two of the savings plan is to add comprehensive & collision to my current car insurance so as to avoid paying the rental insurance. when i was pricing the collision coverage online, i kept getting the "are you SURE you really want to do this?" message, which makes sense given the barely-there monetary value of my ride. but that's not the point. current coverage runs through may, and i expect to rent at least twice between now and then, for a week-plus each, so financially it makes more sense to just insure myself through geico instead of paying alamo or whomever. (plus, if god forbid a tree were to fall on my car while i'm off galavanting in a rental, well, i might get a couple bucks for my trouble.) the only catch is, i have to get my car inspected first by a geico-approved body shop. makes sense, to thwart folks who'd add it the day *after* an accident to fudge the coverage, but given the technical value of my car, it seems tedious. and the to-do list grows ever longer...

a private message to TAFKAMH

2006-11-26T01:38:00.000-05:00

hey B, been meaning to ask: what's up w/your blog being all exclusive-like? am i invited?
miss you, love you, hope all's well in your world... call me!!
xo
C

why i hate the holiday season

2006-11-21T14:08:00.000-05:00

just back from target, where i bought the bookcase i'll be putting together as my t'giving project. and, holy smokes-- not even black friday yet, and already i want to slash the tires of everyone in the parking lot. people, seriously. stay to the right, slow down, and relax. look behind you before moving in reverse. unless it would be a legitimate hardship for you to walk a few more feet, quit blocking traffic to wait for the closest possible parking spot, when you can clearly see that woman has three rambunctious kids and eight million bags to load into her car. and for pete's sake, don't follow me out of the store with my cart. you sure as hell don't want my close-to-the-exits spot, and i don't want to walk as slowly as possible just to piss you off, but i can't help myself. i just hope i stocked the cupboards well enough that i don't have to go back there before january. and that my roomie will be willing to help me get the damn thing up the stairs-- not only is it heavy, not only did i rip the skin on my wrist getting it off the shelf, but the stupid box is open AT BOTH ENDS. i almost chose a color that would not even remotely match anything else in my house just to avoid dealing with the box, but alas, my completely nonexistent decorating skills chose that moment to rise up.

on the bright side, i was also looking for a couple travel-sized toiletries for the 3 oz/ziploc baggy TSA nonsense, but instead found, on the endcap, some full-sized pantene stuff marked down to 87 cents (!!) with free travel-sized samples attached. big score, considering that similar (but less delicious-smelling) stuff was 99 cents for the travel size alone. (in retrospect, if i'd had my coupons with me, i probably could have gotten all of it for free. which unfortunately makes me want to go back... must resist.)

now, to lift my mood: more bourbon bacon! it's definitely among the top five bacons i've yet tasted. sweet, with just enough fat to taste yummy but just little enough that i don't need to use the press. today i'm making bacon popovers, which i can't believe never occured to me before now. the beef bacon is going to be crumbled & put in mashed potatoes, with some cheese & spinach thrown in as well. a full meal out of what most people consider just a side dish-- brilliant.

funny thing happened to me on sunday night... for the first time in my 15 years in the restaurant business, i had blind, deaf, and dumb people sitting in my section all at the same time.

wacky bacon

2006-11-19T05:10:00.000-05:00

had an odd moment of something like nostalgia walking the block back from 7-11 this afternoon. felt almost like i was about to leave, and would really miss this place. thing is, i've had vague thoughts of changing apartments, but it would be silly to give this one up unless (until) i leave town. and yeah, i've been having the leaving-town thoughts (when don't i?), but even at their strongest, they still involve me signing at least one more lease here so i can finish a degree or two. (yep, i keep saying that...)

haven't been able to stay awake past 9:30 pm for about a week. fell asleep on the couch tonight, fortunately roomie came in around midnight & the door woke me up, so now maybe i can get slightly back on track. told her i'd work for her tomorrow night, so i better.

ordered some wacky bacon from father's, found mentioned in the back of my new bacon cookbook. tried the beef bacon first, and i "burned" it (like i like), but i'm thinking i should've cooked it "normally" for the first try. very meaty, peppery, reminiscent of jerky. not a big fan of jerky, but this was delicious nonetheless. next up is the vanilla bourbon bacon. how could that be anything but scrumptious??

roomie moves out in three weeks... mixed feelings, mostly it's a bummer. 2007 will likely involve a lot of working. not planning on looking for another roommate right away, tho it would be prudent to do so eventually, as i plan on being gone for most of march, and odds are i'll repeat to rhinebeck over the summer. jan/feb were remarkably good, $-wise, at the cafe last year-- hoping for a repeat.

speaking of working, got a call asking if i wanted to work a shift while i'm in florida, which would likely net me the amount i paid for the plane ticket. and, if all goes well, get me an in for future work there (i.e. bike week). you bet i'm gonna say yes.

yet more rain... but inside???

2006-11-16T14:32:00.000-05:00

i am such a bad weather wuss. if i'm going to live where tornadoes travel, i really shouldn't also live within earshot of train tracks. can you say paranoid? i sure can.

but look-- a welcome distraction! it's raining in my kitchen! GRR.

just checking in.

2006-11-16T08:15:00.000-05:00

lots to post about, but lately i veer wildly between "too busy" and "too tired." they're connected-- sleep issues are worse than usual lately, which is to say, they've completely taken over my free will. for now, i shall yank (and truncate heavily) a q'airre from my friend P, who i hope continues to reap the benefits of her current and well-earned happiness!

1. Do you have any big plans for November?
only to work as much (and spend as little) as possible to pay for my december trip to florida, and prepare financially for my roommate's imminent departure. and also perhaps for those lucchese boots i have my eye on...

4. Quote something from last night:
from a sort-of dream: "you think breaking his heart is FUNNY?"

7. Is there a vase in the room you're in?
technically, yes-- it's full of southern comfort mardi gras beads that a former coworker brought me back from her trip to nola.

8. Any plans for today/this evening?
i'll be working, and hoping the storm that's moving in doesn't knock out my power, since getting the work done requires having internet access. (obviously i hope it doesn't rip off my roof, either.)

9. Have you recently been insulted?
well... about a month ago, a dear old friend asked me, after hearing about my jobs and not much else, if i missed my "wild days," assuming that just because i'm participating in what sounded to her like the grown-up world of commerce, that i no longer have any fun. i adore her, and i know she absolutely didn't mean to insult me, so i just said "sometimes," but it kinda stung. i *am* less wild than i used to be, but damn.

10. What is the radio in your car tuned to at this exact moment?
the CD player. i can't stomach the radio here-- i know there's a good "underground" station, but my antenna doesn't work so well.

12. How many days a week do you work?
sometimes all of them, sometimes very few. varies by the week.

15. Are you more like your mother or your father?
i generally think i'm more like my dad, though lately i think i take equally from them both.

20. Are any of your myspace pictures alcohol related?
as if. P answered this perfectly: "This question is part of the problem with myspace."

22. What was your most recent serious injury?
my f*?!*ing tooth. see previous posts.

23. What were you most recently happy about?
the plans i have for my december trip. oh, and the cornell exhibit at the smithsonian that opens tomorrow, which i shall go see in january.

26. What shirt have you not worn in a while that you would like to?
the white pseudo-tuxedo shirt i bought on my june/july trip and then lost on my august trip.

27. Where'd it go?
i think it's at the house in rhinebeck.

briefs

2006-10-31T17:47:00.000-05:00

an unpublished sylvia plath poem has apparently been discovered by a gal here at VCU, & will be published in blackbird...

the ridiculously conservative RTD has inexplicably, albeit weakly, come out against the proposed (and even more ridiculous) marshall/newman amendment. speechless.

i'm hearing rumors that studio 60 is headed toward cancellation. i believe i'll pop in a sorkin-era west wing dvd and hope that the rumors are just that.

happy halloween to y'all who celebrate such. i'll be sleeping (peacefully, let's hope) through the official festivities. sweet dreams...

pain, pain, go away

2006-10-29T14:34:00.000-05:00

PSA: teeth are very useful parts of the body, and you should take very very good care of them.

found myself sidelined two weeks ago now with some serious unexplained pain in my jaw, after a dental cleaning. i'd scheduled a needed extraction, figured all was well til then. alas... turns out the tooth that needed to come out was in a hurry, got itself infected and swollen and OUCH to give me a hint. tylenol pm? no dice. maxed out on ibuprofen & topped it with vicodin and still no relief, no sleep, no functional brain. thankfully (sorta), the pain was such that i couldn't wait for my appointment, else i apparently would've ended up in the ER last weekend. hundreds of dollars later (and thru the worst pain i can recall lifelong), i can finally chew again. and, you know, sleep. and think straight. good times. moral of the story? if your tooth hurts, find out why and deal with it IMMEDIATELY. a novocaine needle pushing through infected tissue=excruciating.

trying to get back on track... working my ass off, daydreaming about next year's birthday trip. it's shaping up thusly: daytona beach bike week, then a wee tour around florida to catch some spring training games. if i'm somehow loaded with dough, after that i'll repair to the caribbean for some horseback riding; if not, i'll settle for a return trip to orlando to the gun range (and that hottie i didn't have time for in august) and some riding thereabouts instead. in the meantime, i'm itching to gamble, oddly... watching for vegas deals. or maybe i'll just work too much this winter to finance the bday so i won't have to wonder how much of it i can afford.

random news: scarlett johansen plans to record an album of tom waits covers. huh?

still raining

2006-10-07T18:12:00.000-05:00

what a miserable gray day. you know the weather's bad when friends in other states call to check on you because they saw on the national news that folks in your city were being evacuated from rising water, eh? or when you glance up at the muted tv and see your town on good morning america. just rain and wind in my neighborhood, and i have nowhere to be today, so no worries here. great day for a nap, but there's no time for that. too much to worry about: for instance, why the heat is not working in my apartment. and the 40% of my work to-do list for today that is yet to be done. and this ridiculous baseball game! seriously-- the tigers? i nearly forgot they even existed.

instead, i've been brainstorming about travel, and plotting how to convince clay to come spend a few days at my house in january in place of our beach trip, which i doubt either of us will be able to comfortably afford, at least not the way we did it last year. so instead of working or stalking my landlady, i've spent the last half hour averting my eyes from the television and taking goofy pictures of my well-stocked kitchen and pantry, to show clay that he really won't have to spend a dime on food if he comes to visit. perhaps next i'll finish cleaning the bathroom. is it still "procrastinating" if you actually get something accomplished, even if it that particular something is not the smartest priority?

banned books week

2006-09-29T06:06:00.000-05:00

Banned Books Week is almost over already. i meant to re/read something juicy in honor, but The Road is still sitting here untouched, so it needs to be something short. i'm thinking 'The Bridge to Terabithia,' although i remember it being terribly sad. (not that The Road is going to be a frolic down funtimes lane.) in the meantime, i just finished my entry-- no wait, and a second entry-- in LibraryThing's banned bookpile contest-- because really, i didn't have 89475 other things to do tonight. it was actually quite fun, though i'm not looking forward to putting all these books & props back where they belong.

as a random side note, inspired by my wanderings around LT's yummy website... it is incomprehensible to me that a hotel opened in new york several years ago, with a floorplan and theme based on the dewey decimal system, AND I JUST NOW HEARD ABOUT IT! not that i can afford to stay there, but damn!

no baseball for me.

2006-09-28T03:09:00.000-05:00

i had a ton of work to do today-- still not done in fact-- and i didn't dare to think that the wednesday night game would be the phillies & nats, so i didn't even think bother turning on the tv.  round about 10:30, i decided to take a dinner break, and i checked the scores.  when i saw the game was tied in the 9th, i checked espn's home page, and woo hoo!  the game's on.  i sprinted to the tv, only to find something that was NOT the game.  hm.  maybe i needed to refresh the webpage?  tried that, and look-- it's the tenth inning now.  so i clicked on the spot that named the game, and it completely contradicted the front page.  wtf?  why do these people want to piss me off?  this is the third time in less than a week that i've had to follow a game that was supposed to be televised on 'gameday,' which is difficult on the patience.  GRRR.

according to that same espn tv listing page, the game "replays" tonight at midnight.  guess what?  poker's on now.  if they pull this crap during the playoffs, i'll be forced to fire off an angry email.

as if to cap off the night, i just got an email telling me i did NOT make the cut in the mets NLCS ticket drawing.  (meaning i'm not allowed to BUY tickets, not that i thought i was going to win them.)  what are the odds of me being awake tomorrow morning at 9am to try and buy phils tickets?  not bloody likely.

good news is, the phils won the game.  bad news is, so did the damn dodgers.  sigh.

oh elusive sleep

2006-09-26T22:24:00.000-05:00

for the first time since probably last year during hurricane season, i've watched local news three times today-- early am, 5:30pm, and now the beginning of the late news. i know this is no good for me, and i have no idea why i did it. (possibly because during those hours, there's nothing else on, and tv helps me keep time when i'm awake too long. i just saved myself from the bulk of the 11pm when i remembered that jon stewart inexplicably has the president of pakistan on tonight. thanks, jon.)

apparently, there were three break-ins in the western suburbs, and now it's a crisis. tips on how to protect yourself, live at 6! put motion lights on your house! if you find a man in your kitchen at 1am, give him what he wants! funny, i don't remember the crime wave in my *building* last summer making the news or becoming a crisis. this is a predominantly white neighborhood, near monuments and museums, but apparently the stuff we have to steal isn't worth news coverage. (the most expensive thing i own is probably this laptop.) hmph. i'm sure the fact that i watched all four acts of 'when the levees broke' in the early hours this morning has nothing to do with my grumpiness on this matter.

though that might explain the dream i had during my hour-long nap (HOW is it that after staying awake for 24 hours, i nearly always wake back up right away?!?) in which i'd won the lottery or some other giant lump of money and was torn between sending a certain new orleans resident an anonymous check or a signed one, wondering whether it mattered where the money came from, whether it would influence whether she spent it on herself or spread it out to NOLA charities. i don't remember what i did with the rest of the money, only that it was incredibly stressful trying to decide how best to distribute it, rather than the fun, spending-spree lottery dream one is supposed to have. i don't buy lottery tickets, though, so i suppose i'll never have to worry about that particular brain drain.

HA! i need to watch jon stewart more often. the twinkie just lifted my mood 100% percent.

the road arriveth

2006-09-26T15:52:00.000-05:00

moments ago, i read the NYT review of The Road and cursed myself for preordering, because i assumed that meant it would be *shipped* today, as opposed to arriving today... then lo and behold, the UPS man arrived to prove me wrong. unfortunately, i desperately need to go to sleep within the hour, and when i get up, i have a slew of work to do, stuff that needs to be done by lunch tomorrow (for once, no, i wasn't procrastinating-- i just found out about it an hour ago). so i can't start reading it til tomorrow night, anyway. kinda wishing it hadn't arrived after all. now it will torture me with its presence... i WILL NOT open it until i have slept and the work is at least halfway done. at least i'll try not to.

had a lovely trip to norfolk saturday night for the new annual tradition with "old" friends from high school and earlier. we decided to revisit a regular haunt from back in the day: la galleria. i took a date there about ten years ago, but otherwise, we did the math and realized it had been 16 years. which was... shocking. the food was as good as i remembered, though the service was a tad slow. the nostalgic calamari wasn't the best, but i have a new love for fried zucchini. they obliged my annoying wine allergy so i could quench my craving for salmon, though i purposely didn't eat much of it so as to save room for the two desserts i ordered (tiramisu and the napoleon). can't believe i forgot my camera! the whole group remains healthy and happy, and we made plans to reconvene at the greek festival next year.

i was surprised to see that downtown norfolk has gotten even friskier. almost surreal, given the ghost town that it was back when we used to frequent la gal. didn't get to see anyone but the dinner party, alas... i'll be back soon.

not sure how i didn't know about this before, but an email from my old roomie alerted me about OpenCourseWare. brilliant! the perfect drug for us wannabe lifer students who can't afford tuition every damn semester. MIT looks to have the best variety of offerings, in english anyway.

sporty spice

2006-09-22T20:24:00.000-05:00

the friday night game is houston/st louis? seriously? i know houston has a theoretical chance of going to the postseason, but the phillies & marlins both have better chances. (at least according to me. statistics is one of the few undergrad courses i've never taken, so there's that.) and yeah, i know the former is a real rivalry, and the latter is just two teams who happen to be in the same division. whatever.

naturally, tomorrow's phillies game is being broadcast, because tomorrow i have things to do & places to be. ah well. just reinforces my hunch that this may be the first year i attempt to check "attend a postseason baseball game" off of my list. i've been poking around about how to buy postseason tickets, and it looks like the apartment we just sold may very well close on time, which would allow me to afford it. (justifying the $ is another story, but that's not something i've ever had trouble with.) (and yeah, i probably just jinxed the on-time closing by writing that.)

not sure why this didn't occur to me before, but the start of spring training nicely coincides with my already-planned trip to florida for bike week. hmmm...

studio 60

2006-09-20T17:56:00.000-05:00

how do i love aaron sorkin? let me count the ways...

he loves the word 'feckless' as much as i do.
he loves bradley whitford and timothy busfield as much as i do.
he made me consider taking matthew perry seriously.
he hires smart, talented people and makes them look even smarter and more talented.
i own exactly one tv show in its entirety on tv... and it's sports night. and the only reason i don't own all of west wing-- wait, no, i don't need the whole thing, just the sorkin years-- is because as of yet i haven't been able to afford it. one of these days, though.
pacing, pacing, pacing. pitch perfect.
the todd louiso cameo-- and his character asking who the dodgers were playing.
if my current roommate didn't own a VCR, i'd go buy one before next monday. the last time i videotaped a tv show? over a decade, easy. (no, sorry, even sorkin won't make me go tivo.)
and: apparently he's got evan handler again.

one little complaint: do we really need those extra seconds of daytime-soap-esque face time at the end of every amanda peet scene? she's the only major player in this thing who i don't already trust. i'll give her a chance, because sorkin likes her, but it seems to me she gets way too much dialogue-less face time considering (a) it's an ensemble piece, not an amanda peet vehicle, and (b) so far as i can tell, she possesses exactly one facial expression.

that aside, i'm hooked. thank goodness 'rescue me' is done for a while... i can't stomach having two must-watch shows at the same time, unless at least one of them is available on demand.

home

2006-09-17T00:55:00.000-05:00

home from NYC. really meant to post while i was up there, but all the work i was doing melted my brain. this uber-southern lifestyle i've got going on down here makes it hard to adjust. worked out well, big picture: helped out as needed, made some money, got those annoying teeth pulled by C's cousin, who happens to be an oral surgeon and a terribly nice guy. took nary a picture once i got up there, other than of apartments-- too busy. did a little shopping here and there, mostly just worked, so much that an old friend asked, via TM, "what happened to the diva that was u?" oy. now i'm here for less than a week, cleaning and erranding before going to the beach to see some other, even older (in terms of length, not age) dear friends next weekend. there's a certain satisfaction in being too busy to write, but only if it's brief.

man, i missed my apartment while i was "confined" in those near-million dollar spaces! and my cigarettes. first there was the hassle of going outside to smoke, sometimes out to a scary fire escape, depending on where i was... then there were the rains that follow me everywhere... then i was a good girl and followed the guidelines for post oral surgery... now i just want to sit here and smoke on my couch all day. it'll pass soon enough.

was hell-bent on seeing factotum while in the city, because it didn't appear to be headed to richmond, but woo hoo, the westhampton to the rescue, with perfect timing. still didn't make it to the lizard & snakes exhibit at the natural history museum, though... guess i have to go back before january.

random links that caught my eye this past bit...
a book gets a promo on a nascar car?
and for those who questioned my change from the chinatown bus, which i swore got to NY from richmond in less time than was logically possible, to the train...

sleep on the train ain't what it used to be. more than anything, i've missed my mediocre (but at the moment, spectacular) bed. off i go.

more florida pics

2006-09-04T10:50:00.000-05:00

more celebration/orlando pics (including at the shooting range, finally) are here.
ormond/daytona beach pics are here.
stories to follow.

florida

2006-08-25T16:52:00.000-05:00

made it here in one piece, am relaxing, good times. figured i'd unload the house & nature pics now so i'll have an empty card for the weekend. presenting: celebration, florida. weird place, at least for those of us whose notion of an ideal community does not necessarily involve white picket fences and legislated lawn lengths...

something is wrong with the world when...

2006-08-23T00:57:00.000-05:00

...i can take K-Y on the plane, but not toothpaste. or yogurt. (hi, stephen colbert.) oh, and if you were wondering about whether you can carry on that spare pair of contact lenses, you'll have to call TSA and listen to the interminable recording before being connecting to a real person (who will then ask your name, phone number, and flight information-- not that they'll use that info for anything, john or jane doe!), but if you want to know whether you can take your bubble bath, your transformer robot toy (?!?), or your spear gun, well, that information is spelled out very clearly on their website. because that's way more informative than whether i can carry items prescribed specifically to me in order to be able to read the instructions laid out by the security signs (at significant cost, given my lack of insurance, and the ineptitude of the first guy i paid) by a doctor.
my chances of getting laid on this flight, given my available use of eyelash curlers but the ban on lip gloss, has been severly and unfairly curtailed. perhaps i should sue. that's the american way, no?
i am not making any of this up:
http://www.tsa.gov/travelers/airtravel/prohibited/permitted-prohibited-items.shtm
(but i'm also really quite happy to obey. as long as i can carry on my spare contacts. and some orajel for my tooth. and the hydrocodone script for the pain in said tooth. and the antibiotics therein. and some eyedrops for when all of the above dries out my eyes. and a bottle of water to help hydrate me after all that.... oh wait... erf. luckily i already gave up-- read: drank-- the traveler of southern comfort i bought to ease the stress of the trip. don't be surprised if a hysterical stranded post shows up from JFK tomorrow...)

sleep... wait, not yet... zzzz

2006-08-22T19:01:00.000-05:00

if all goes well (and it will, right? right??), in 24 hours i will be in florida. this means several things to me.

#1) i should probably start packing sometime soon.
#2) the 55 things on the to-do list for today were probably pretty important, and my lack of having done them will cause me to panic in the morning.
#3) or to start panicking in the next half hour or so, which is right about when i will fall asleep. last night i had the brilliant idea that i'd stay up all night cleaning and packing, run all the errands at first light, then go to sleep in the early afternoon, thus ensuring that my recent schedule of waking up at 3pm does not cause me to miss my 2:30pm plane.

what happened instead: a rough work shift last night left me (and the rest of the staff) exhausted, too tired even to look for a parking place that didn't involve the nose of my car jutting into the alley. i regularly see people speed down and into this alley, and if it had been a weekend night, i would never have risked it, but i figured i'd be up all night to keep an eye on it (and jot down the license plate # of anyone who hit it), so no worries. after eating dinner, i actually felt sleepy-- despite the fact that i'd been awake for less than nine hours-- so i thought "yeah sure, i'll lay down for a minute, no way in hell will i get any sleep, not now when i actually need it."

i left the lights and TV blaring, and all the windows & balcony doors wide open. i've been known to sleep through smoke alarms, but generally i don't hit deep sleep until the three hour mark, and generally not at all when i'm stressed. inexplicably, i was dead to the world at midnight. 2am, i woke up, shocked, and thought this was a good thing, that the catnap would help my plight. then i remembered my car, sprinted to the balcony, saw that it was ok. phew.

this morning i watched the local news and learned that there was a car accident mere feet from my window just after midnight. i saw the footage of the police cars & ambulance and thought, huh, that looks like my corner, but it couldn't be. i would've heard it. sure enough, i slept through all the racket. this does not bode well for my packing, nor my flight catching. wish me luck.

lazy ABCs

2006-08-19T03:48:00.000-05:00

i'm supposed to be working, so instead here's an ABC meme sorta-swiped (and heavily edited) from bobbarker31:

A - Available? theoretically.
B – Bar? When in richmond on Sunday nights: the triple.
C – Crush? I suppose I’m still a little mushy on the mostly-invisible EMT biker boy, but i sure could use a new one.
D - Dead Pet's Name? gulliver, gabriel, george.
E – Email? Mozilla thunderbird.
F - Favorite Color? pale blue eyes.
G - Good Time? now’s as good as any, no?
H - Hair Color? brunettish. Sometimes auburn.
I – Instrument? my voice. one of these days i'll learn to play my bass. "cowgirl in the sand," yo.
J – Jewelry? I wear two rings always: a kokopelli from texas on my right hand and a simple hopi design from oregon on my left, both silver (I’m allergic to gold). yeah, there are stories about boys behind both. Most days I wear a spider necklace too.
J – Joke? Here’s the first one I ever learned, in 4th grade: “what do you get when you cross a hooker with a leprechaun?” “a little green fucker ‘bout yea high.” believe it or not, that’s the least scandalous thing I remember about the 4th grade. not the most wholesome or enriching educational experience, some would say.
L - Longest Car Ride? Continuous? If so, probably the two legs of many VA to TX trips. Otherwise, grass valley CA to LA to phoenix to santa fe to steamboat springs CO to kansas city, via a rental car that ended up costing three times as much as I paid for the car I left sitting at home.
M - Movie Last Watched? Can’t recall-- either kinsey or team america: world police (again).
N - Northern or Southern? Are we talking hemispheres? I’m a pollywog, so I wouldn’t really know.
N – Name? depends who’s talking to me. Q & christine are my favorites, other than my given name.
O - One Phobia? car trouble.
P – is Pluto a planet? I’ll leave that to the scientists. Does the answer affect me in any way? I think not.
Q - Quote: “the rider is the ghost that leads the body.”
R - Reality TV Show: absolutely not.
S - Store: ABC, Kroger, & the corner market do me fine.
T - Time you woke up: 2:45pm, under duress.
T - Time for bed: hopefully 5am, if sominex will work where tylenol PM didn’t.
U - Under your bed: about a dozen pairs of shoes, and probably just as many dustbunnies.
V - Vegetable you love/hate: not sure I can be said to “love” a vegetable, sadly, but among them, I eat peas & green beans most often. My GI hates peppers.
W- Where are you traveling next? Orlando/celebration/ormond beach FL, in four days.
X - X-Rated Porn: I recently bought my first (as opposed to watching my first—not even close—just never dropped the cash before)—pirates. Biggest budget ever, I hear, and apparently there’s enough plot that they even released an R-rated version. I haven’t watched it in entirety yet, but a quick scan or two reveals that the sex is still the same old. Ah well.
Y - Yellow: um... i'm bored with this quiz, sorry. i got nothing.
Z - ZZZZZ: pretty please!

you should see my nectarines!

2006-08-14T03:05:00.000-05:00

it's really no secret that i am single. left to my own devices, i still heat up the leftover sausage after the bar, but if the TV comes on, it's not family guy but a sondheim musical that i wish to watch. one that i know every damn lyric to. and hey, i forgot joanna gleason was the baker's wife in this one. i knew there was a reason i loved her on sight as jordan on the west wing. when does that new sorkin show start, anyway?
"you may know what you want, but to get what you want, better see that you keep what you have..."

TILT: Boots!

2006-08-10T02:58:00.000-05:00

('things i love thursdays' swiped from weaker vessel)

I can’t put my finger on when I fell in love with boots. the first pair I remember owning were brown leather lace-up flats, back in middle school. My dad had recently been to europe, where he said all the girls were wearing them, and that was good enough for me. I wore the soles out in a couple short years, then moved on to a black pair that were less “pretty” but more functional, meaning more excuses to wear them. I eventually had that pair resoled, but they were never quite the same. Perhaps I just took them to a bad cobbler (do they still call them that?), but since then I’ve never bothered resoling a single pair...

Those black lace-ups could probably write a horrid, angsty teen novel (or afterschool special) about all the things they witnessed, but the pair I found to replace them would write the R-rated sequel. They became my all-time favorites. Simple, clunky, and the most comfortable shoes of any kind that I’d ever worn, they were made by Muro, with Goodyear technology (whatever that means) in the soles. They were not particularly attractive, according to fashion standards, but that didn’t stop me from wearing them to a friend’s wedding with a pale pink dress. (I added a black boa to the neckline of the dress in a silly attempt to tie the colors in, but alas...) These new loves had a buckle instead of laces to reflect my spiral into laziness, but were otherwise not much different than my previous pairs.

When the sole of those puppies finally broke in half, I honestly wasn’t sure how I’d live without them. They were my go-to shoes. I’m not sure I owned anything else in the mid 90s that had closed toes. My “old faithfuls” took me across the country, up mountains, through torrents of water, and cushioned my feet through years of waiting tables. I was in the middle of a waitressing shift when they died. I tried superglue and a vise, but alas, they had reached retirement age. That was four years ago, and I’ve still not been able to part with them, despite their uselessness. I keep thinking one of these days I’ll find a pair just like them on ebay...

In 1997 or so, I found their knee-high counterparts, same brand, at zipperhead in philadelphia. They only had one pair left, and it happened to be in my size. They were almost $200 and worth every penny. I still wear them today. I was in philly to see chris whitley and meet a new friend, and the boots were the cherry on top of one of the best trips ever. I was so enamored with them that despite the fact that I was travelling by train and already loaded down with luggage, I decided that I simply must save the box they came in. (knee-high boot boxes are necessarily bulky.) chris saw me carrying it around and accused me of being a bit obsessed with boots, and I defensively mumbled something about my love of boxes. Perhaps that was the moment when the boot love turned into something more.

Around 2000, even before the “old faithfuls” died, I bought a pair of inferior knee-highs on ebay that are cosmetically very similar to the Muros, as a backup, but they sit lonely and unworn on the boot shelf. They’re just not the same.

One of the best deals I ever got on a pair of boots were these tony lamas, which were less than $20 at a salvation army in richmond. They fit perfectly with socks and for some reason make me want to shoot pool.

My most obnoxious pair also hail from philly, at a place called guacamole, across south street from zipperhead. I took a trip to new york with some of my favorite friends, and I fully intended to buy a new pair of boots while there, but I failed on that point (though the rest of the trip more than made up for that lack), so we stopped at south street on the drive home, and I found these leopard(?) print goofballs for about $35. I’ve only worn them a handful of times in the 8 years or so that I’ve owned them... one of those times was the birthday night that I picked up an NBA boy as my gift.

Two pairs of shoes have earned peripheral space on the boot shelf. These oxfords, which are much more beautiful than the picture suggests, hail from trash & vaudeville in new york. On a trip with The Boy, we were looking for a pair of oxblood oxfords for him, but these were marked down from $125 to about $30, so he bought them for me. I’ve only worn them twice. They’re just not very comfortable.

The other shoes on the shelf were also a gift from The Boy. My former roommate went to europe and brought me back a couple pairs of striped thigh high socks, so we went on a search to find shoes to go with them. I tried on dozens of variations on mary janes til we found these.

next week: Boxes.

ouch

2006-08-09T17:36:00.000-05:00

monday night i felt the twinges of a toothache. tuesday it got to the point where i was nearly snapping at rude customers, and since i've needed massive dental work for years and have been planning on dealing with it soon-ish (as soon as i have $$ for it), i made an emergency dentist appointment for today.

$150+ later, he wants to *start* with $875 worth of extractions. i wasn't really sure whether my wisdom teeth were in or out-- i had so many teeth pulled as a teenager that i can't tell one from the other-- but apparently two of them are in and want to come out. plus, the tooth that had the root canal years ago that i never got a permanent cap for now needs to come out (there's $800+ down the toilet), and another one next to the upper wisdom tooth is apparently useless. seems there's a mild infection somewhere, which he gave me antibiotics for, and he wants to pull the four in a few days, at the end of the pill run, and *then* do a full evaluation to figure out what needs to be done with the teeth that are staying.

now, first of all, i'm leaving a week from tomorrow for yet another indefinite period, most likely six weeks. second, i'm already broke before leaving, and i certainly don't have the $1050 it will cost to get to the end of the extraction/evaluation run. third, well, see "second." i KNOW i need to take care of all this, and i've wanted to-- it's on my "100 tasks" list-- but wanting does not make money grow. even if i could come up with it, if i got the teeth pulled tuesday, as he hoped, i wouldn't be able to comfortably get on a plane on wednesday. so i'm screwed, and i'll probably have toothaches for the next two or three or more months while i come up with all this money, which will be extra-impossible (??) since i won't be here to pick up cafe shifts.

in the meantime, he gave me lorcet, which was probably a waste of money to fill, because historically hydrocodone does nothing for me, but i figured i'd give it a shot. wish me luck.

lazy, but motivated... musical monday

2006-08-07T01:03:00.000-05:00

need a spur. leaving town again soonish, for what should prove to be more exciting trips than the last, but need to get back in the habit of writing while i'm still home with loads of free time. lazy, so i'll mine some memes. to start: musical monday, in which i list ten of my favorite musicians & answer some goofy questions about them.

1. chris whitley
2. ryan adams
3. rolling stones
4. elvis costello
5. patti smith
6. prince
7. nick cave
8. steve earle
9. marah
10. tom waits

· What was the first song you ever heard by #6?
hard to say... raspberry beret comes to mind, but ‘little red corvette’ makes more sense. I have no specific memory of my first prince song, which is a shame, but I do remember the first prince mix anyone made for me, and I remember a period before that when I used to listen to ‘kiss’ on headphones in my room over and over. and yes, i just admitted that in public.

· What is your favorite album of #8?
tie: train a’comin & I feel alright. There’s a part of me that knee-jerked ‘shut up and die like an aviator,’ but seriously.

· What is your favorite lyric that #5 has sung?
practically all of them. Every word of: paths that cross, dancing barefoot, spell, and wing. dead city didn’t do much for me til I saw her do it live in DC. Oh, and this: ”we worship the flaw... the mole on the belly of an exquisite whore.”

· What’s your favorite song of #7?
Babe, I’m on fire. relentless.

· Is there a song of #3 that makes you sad?
Wild horses. But sad in a mostly good, sentimental way. also, little T&A, in a not-as-good sentimental way, which bums me out because it’s such a fun, insipid song.

· What is your favorite lyric that #2 has sung?
well, I suppose if I can narrow patti down, I should be able to narrow ryan. Whole songs, at least... hard luck story, excuse me while i..., everything I do, lo-fi tennessee mountain angel, come pick me up, don’t wanna know why...
“... that you’ll find me... that you’ll see me... that you’ll run and never tire.”

· What is your favorite song by #9?
tie: catfisherman & why independent record stores fail.

· How did you get into #3?
heard ‘em all my life, of course, but didn’t learn to love them til I met the artist formerly known as my husband.

· What was the first song you heard by #1?
kick the stones, on the second mix tape made for me by the aforementioned TAFKAMH.

· How many times have you seen #9 live?
none, sadly. One of these days...

· What is a good memory you have concerning #2?
the w’town shows at iota & trax... and the “end of the world” NYE ’99 show at the cat’s cradle, which was kind of a bust, being the only night I’ve ever been stood up in my life (hey, if you’re going to do something, might as well do it big) yet still turned out to be a good time.

· What is your favorite song of #1?
I forget you every day. One of my favorite song of anyone’s, ever.

pardon the interruption

2006-08-02T21:18:00.000-05:00

fiddling with the template here... pardon any gross-out color combos & screwy layouts while i play. and if anyone checks their stats and it looks like i'm stalking every corner of your site, well, i suppose that's possible, but it might also mean that your blogness rocks and i'm looking at all your deliciousness and deciding what ideas to steal, er emulate. (mostly lookin' at you, weakervessel! hope you're having a blast on your trip.)

shopping spree

2006-07-30T19:56:00.000-05:00

yeah, i spent half the day shopping for books. what's your point? it takes time to find the best deals. here's the haul:

cold snap - thom jones
stern men - elizabeth gilbert
female trouble - antonya nelson
american nomads - steve erickson
seek - denis johnson
september 11, 2001: american writers respond - (various, including denis johnson)
the name of the world - denis johnson
indelible acts - a.l. kennedy
original bliss - a.l. kennedy
limbo, and other places i have lived - lily tuck
yonder stands your orphan - barry hannah
the invisible circus - jennifer egan
the mysteries of pittsburgh - michael chabon
cowboys are my weakness - pam houston
waltzing the cat - pam houston
cowgirls - ronnie farley
rodeo queens - joan burbick
paradise - toni morrison

grand total: just under $50. including shipping! i bought from betterworldbooks, which donates profits to literacy programs. check 'em out.

librarything

2006-07-30T10:19:00.000-05:00

this morning i discovered librarything. so there went the first six hours of today. i've been meaning to catalog my books for quite some time-- did the CDs last year, and i've managed to keep them current, but the books seemed so daunting, and i couldn't decide how detailed i wanted to get... but now here's this easy tool, so i took the plunge. it's fun and fantastic and i highly recommend it, but... it's going to end up costing me a LOT of money. (which is a very bad thing at this precise moment in my life, since i have none.) it's made me realize how many books i've lost/sold/given away/loaned out and never saw again, that i really want back! for instance, where the HAIL is my copy of 'letters to a young poet,' which had a sweet inscription from my long lost friend steven? did my kerouac wander off alone? what happened to edward abbey? what did i do with that a.l. kennedy book that has that quote i was looking for last month? i could go on and on... then there's the problem of all the books that have come out since i forced myself to stop buying all but the tip-top most important (to me, duh) new releases (mccarthy & garcia marquez is it). turns out i'm two behind on jeanette winterson... sigh... recommendations for cheap book sources online will be highly appreciated. (other than the obvious amazon & half.com etc.) time to cyber-wander through powells & the strand...

i love bacon!

2006-07-23T19:05:00.000-05:00

random photographic evidence of my extreme love for bacon...

-"!?!?!?!"-

2006-07-12T03:34:00.000-05:00

tom freakin' waits is going on tour. in the southeast. how am i supposed to get any sleep armed with this information???

back in virginny

2006-07-06T23:43:00.000-05:00

yeah, i'm home. time to clean the cobwebs.

rhinebeck was lovely, though i could've done without the incessant rain. as nice as it was to be away, i was desperate to get home after the first couple weeks. favors for C kept me through the third week, then there was a week of pure laziness, then the boys came through on their way to montreal, and then, finally packed and ready, the damn train tracks washed out, but finally, here i am. it's been a week, and still i haven't returned to work yet, since i inexplicably have just enough cash left not to, but it's on the horizon. meanwhile, a month and a half of mail takes a while to get through. then there's cleaning, errand running... it's amazing how long you can stretch all that out if you really want to procrastinate. the next trip, planned for late july, has been pushed back to mid august. what the hell will i do with myself til then?

first night back, i got a visit from my once-a-year biker boy, immediately wrecking the prolonged work i'd done to get my sleep schedule back on track. now i'm on my 36-hour-day kick, which always leads to random bursts of energy at inconvenient times. yesterday's burst resulted in a decision to finally get my passport. i promised myself years ago i wouldn't leave the continent til i finished my degree, so i haven't needed one, but the laws, they are a changing... a return to the caribbean is definitely in my future, so i'm "allowed" now. funny thing i found out about myself, though-- there are certain details of my life that i simply can't remember, which threw me for a loop. i'm sure it's a function of age and lifestyle, but i don't like it. i've always had a great memory, and what will i do if, when i get old, i can't sit around the nursing home thinking back on all the fun i had? i spent two hours ripping my apartment to shreds trying to find out when i got divorced-- not a date i necessarily would remember, as i didn't go to a hearing or however that works, but a significant event nonetheless. makes me sad that i couldn't just call/email B and ask him... but let's not go down the sad road today.

i found a ton of entertaining stuff i forgot i had while searching for that info-- an envelope full of receipts from my cross country trip... a silly paper my friends and i put out in high school... box after box of correspondence from all over the world-- all of which made me happy to remember, but also pointed out how isolated i've become. and, as relaxing as rhinebeck was, it sure was a snooze, too. time to go do some research on my next destination so as not to repeat that blunder.

summer in rhinebeck

2006-05-25T10:58:00.000-05:00

it's now officially summer in my world. i'm pretty sure that's a good thing...

my 4 am train on monday left at 7:15, and incredibly, i still made my connection in new york, with only a moment to spare. that moment was stolen by an amtrak employee who apparently did not know her left from her right, but nevermind that-- i made it, i'm here, and i'm hoping to stay. monday night i slept and begged the pain in my shoulders (from "sleeping" on the train) to go away, and then tuesday C took me to stock the fridge and apply for a few jobs. alas, as i suspected, i'm a week or two late to have the best pickins, but in our wanderings we saw a 'help wanted' sign on a place called firebird grill & lounge. if i want to stay more than 2 weeks, i've got to get a job. period. as it seems many places in town are, they were closed on tuesday, so i couldn't apply right then, but i'm going this afternoon. according to this review i found on the web, looks like the closest thing to my kind of place that i'm likely to find around here... some live music, pool tables, light on the teenyboppers... and i saw on the sign that they do "biker sundays." so, 5pm today, send me good job hunting vibes, eh?

tuesday night we were planning on shopping for this weekend's party-slash-bathroom remodel, but on a whim, we drove to new paltz to visit with a friend of his. it's a cute little college town (home to a branch of SUNY)-- i had no idea, will have to go back and explore. C's friend has a small spread just outside the snappy looking area... we grilled out & chatted & met his daughters & threw sticks for the animals. THAT'S what summers in the country are supposed to be about. i was impressed that C sat still for so long. meant to take a pile of pictures, but only got one of the cat watching us from the woodpile.

speaking of wood & fire and whatnot, i had an unpleasant surprise when i arrived monday and found out that C had to demolish the firepit, which was one of my favorite things about this house, in order to get the cars into the garage for the winter. however, a pleasant suprise balanced that out when i wandered down to the basement to turn the hot water on... frosty's here!

wednesday was lost to pain and laziness. i was hoping for pure, unadulterated laziness, but i'll take what i can get. C wanted to leave me T2 as transpo, since the fairlane inexplicably won't start and Truck is in the shop getting a new muffler, but that would've required me to drive to the city to fetch him today, and, well, see "laziness" above. i forget that i have to remind him constantly that my habits are the exact opposite of his.

i've got to get a little something done, though, to earn my keep. today i'll put together the 2nd heater for the patio, which will come in handy for this weekend-- it still gets quite chilly here at night-- and, at C's request, investigate joining the local gun club.

click here for summer photos. i'm determined to use this damn camera i bought!

leaving on a late train...

2006-05-22T04:04:00.000-05:00

i am SO not ready to leave town... the "indefinite" part of the trip is what's tripping me up, i suppose. what does one pack for "either two weeks or three months?"

roomie just paid me for june rent, which is a load off, financially and mentally, but still. i love having the job flexibility to do things like this, but i still don't have the mental flexibility not to be paranoid about it, the way i used to when i had seemingly unlimited credit. (plus, this means i'll be carrying about a grand in cash on the train, since i forgot to make a deposit yesterday. not smart, since i plan to sleep the whole way.)

amtrak.com says my 4am train is scheduled to leave an hour and a half late (oof!) but arrive in the city 15 minutes early... huh. i actually wouldn't mind if it arrived late, since i have a three hour layover in the city and will be saddled with an as yet undetermined number of bags (depending on how many pairs of shoes i decide to take)... but i'd really rather it departed on time, since my love for that particular route is dependent on 4am being my usual bedtime. C offered to pick me up in the city, as he's headed up to rhinebeck tonight too, but he'll have a couple lawyers in tow, and i'm thinking the train might be more relaxing, especially after having been traveling for so many hours. we'll see how bored i get at penn station.

in other news, for some strange reason i cannot access anything google-related. no gmail, no random searches. so when i come home and put on some loud music to help me get motivated to pack, but have the tv muted on baseball tonight, and i see a fistfight at a game but can't hear the details, i can't hit google to find out what happened. the only other search engine i could recall was "dogpile"... i put in "fight, mlb, home plate" and the best i got was news from a brawl in 2004. seriously. anyone have alternate worthwhile search engines? i was so close to signing up for mlb.tv, but if i'm going to be in new york indefinitely, there's no need-- there's always a game on tv up there. (and yeah, i caught the replay and know it was chicago. and it was saturday-- day late, dollar short, etc.)

wait, now the train is 3 hours late... sigh. might be time to put on a pot of coffee. plus? getting a cab in this town at 3am, no problem. the last time i had to get one at 6am, i ended up being late for surgery, and i nearly got into a fistfight with the cabdriver on the way there, after she yelled at me for not knowing specific directions to the address i'd given her-- after she was 20 minutes late arriving to pick me up. i'm sorry... are you a cabdriver? is this reality? did i ask you to take me to "yonder dirt road past the dumpin yards," or a major medical facility just off the highway? i later heard the doc yelling at the sweet anesthesiologist for not having me ready on schedule, but the dope had already started to take effect & i couldn't properly defend him. maybe i should just head to the station now and wait it out there. or: maybe i should finish packing. an hour after my train was scheduled to depart seems like a good time for that.

prom, mom

2006-05-15T05:45:00.000-05:00

well, i survived mother's day. woo! the good news is, it actually wasn't as bad for me as prom saturday, which i don't even want to talk about. the bad news is, my next-to-last table was a pair of my absolute favorite regulars... only it was the father & son w/o the mom. i barely said hello before i asked after her absence, on mother's day no less (i assumed she was just running late), and the dad told me that she'd had surgery this week. i didn't want to pry-- they come in several times a week, but still-- so i fed them and that was that. at the end, the father apologized for not having any cash-- a minor part of the reason they're favorites is his insistence on paying w/a credit card but always tipping (very well) in cash, though that pales in comparison to the fact that his voice sounds just like hunter s., and the plain fact that they're just damn nice folks, nevermind the results of my subsequent googling & finding out they're also fine community-supporting folks-- we got to chatting, and it turns out she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. honestly, i barely know this woman, but it really hit me. we talked for a minute about stupid cancer, and i shared that my mom went through drama and such, and told him that soon it would be just another story that she could tell to her grandkids. and i hope that's true. hey there, universe? take good care of mrs. B, dammit.

i've officially picked up next sat/sun for the cafe. so that means i leave for NY on monday. 4am. one more night at my sunday bar. sadly, tonight my current drinking buddy decided she didn't like my bartender (for exactly the same reason that i DO like him), so it may be pulling teeth to get someone to go with me, but oh well. it's a shame, really. but i'll live. roomie is still on the fence about whether she's leaving june 1, but the honda money will cover full rent if need be. though it won't cover much else other than the back-owed. bah.

snoozy learnin'

2006-04-28T17:35:00.000-05:00

modern conveniences update: yesterday, 9:50 am. hour 8 of a predicted 35 solid hours of online continuing education courses for the license renewal. a knock on the back door. "just wanted to let you know we're going to cut off your power. cool?" sigh. er, how soon? "um, now? if that's ok?" i mean, seriously. is it so hard for my landlady to at least give a call the night before? she knows i work from home. and i doubt these guys woke up and randomly decided to come work for free. this is PAST ridiculous. funny thing is, i just got my electric bill, and it's oddly almost 20% higher than the month before. if only i had the time to look up previous bills and compare usage, i could call and vent on some unsuspecting power company employee. oh well.

these online courses, by the way... i knew they'd be tedious. i was warned: "f'ing miserable." still, i figured it wouldn't be TOO bad. boy, was i wrong. i truly think they're worse than the on-site courses i took for the pre-licensing reqs. sure, it sucked to wake up early and trek down to school, especially on those lovely summer new york days, but at least then i could read a magazine, doze off, and then go buy shoes or wander through macy's between classes. these online courses are essentially made up of a series of interminable power point presentations, with the fun twist that each page has a timer, and cannot be clicked through until the timer runs down. the average is about 45 seconds, which sounds pretty quick, but that's for one paragraph. maybe i read too fast, but one paragraph takes me about 8 seconds to read... so then i sit here and stare at the timer and wait. if it were minutes instead of seconds, i could easily get other things done, but there's a limited pool of things in life that can be done in intermittent 37 second increments.

the good news, i suppose, is that they're not difficult, skill level wise (though the pile of finance questions in the commercial real estate section threw me off a bit). the relative ease hardly makes up for the boredom factor. how many hours should a person really be forced to read about title insurance??

in other education news, i changed my mind about waiting around for two more months for car to be ready. that money is currently en route to me, to be spent instead on paying off my outstanding debts with the dept of ed and the community college, and then taking summer classes. i fear i may regret this decision (passing up the car deal, that is, not the school return), but it's made.

C told me tonight that there are 'help wanted' signs all over town up there... plus, he says he could offer me work a couple days a week at his office in the city, doing random scanning and paperwork... sounds good, though if i went for both those ideas, i'd be working even more than if i stayed here, which sort of defeats the purpose of repairing to a country house for the summer, no? not sure why i'm having such a hard time deciding what to do about this. part of it is, if i get a job up there, i won't (theoretically) have the flexibility i have here, to take a weekend off every few weeks without losing my job. not the end of the world by a long shot, but it would require a change of lifestyle. current plan: i'll go up mid may, when the new cafe schedule comes out, and i'll see if there are any jobs left. if i find one, perhaps i'll stay. if not, i'll stay a week, then come back here and work. today roomie said she might be leaving june 1, which will complicate things financially. but as long as i'm working, it doesn't seem to matter what city i'm in. (and that's what makes the decision harder. given little difference between two options, inertia is generally more appealing to us lazy folks. someday perhaps my laziness and my urge to travel will meet on middle ground.)

water, water, everywhere...

2006-04-21T09:21:00.000-05:00

oh lookie! it's already time to play my favorite game again: "what modern convenience will i inexplicably wake up without today?"

it's raining outside, yet i had to use the brita pitcher to brush my teeth. i was so pissy yesterday at the lack of electricity in the AM that i didn't feel like leaving the house (other than the immediate coffee run), so i never took a shower. who'da thunk i wouldn't be able to take one today. maybe i'll just go stand outside and rinse off.

i knew there was a good reason to stay in bed til noon.

jig dancing in the dark

2006-04-20T13:04:00.000-05:00

today wasn't off to a very good start... woke up because my bed was pulsing from the downstairs stereo again, to the same damn song over and over, then as soon as i resigned myself to being awake, the power went out. AGAIN. no notice. more importantly, no internet access to finish the work i fell asleep in the middle of last night. and most importantly: NO COFFEE.

after a cranky, sheet-faced trek to 7-11, i tried to be productive, figured it was a good excuse to catch up on that pile of NYTs threatening to take over my bedroom, but it was hard to read over the whining of the guys trying to work on the building across the street, who also had no power. (it wasn't the "electrical upgrade" this time-- that's done, for now, tho they haven't cleaned up their considerable mess yet-- i think it was another tree-trimming in the alley exercise. someone must be sneaking through the alley at night with miracle gro.)

and then i remembered to try VCU again, in my attempt to get the elusive guy who can answer my question on the phone. it took a while, but i finally did-- and while he apparently never received the paperwork he requested, which i sent nearly two months ago (an important piece of paper went astray on that campus? get out!), i did press him for what the answer would be once he got it. and it was the good answer!! commence with the jig dancing!

now, the next hurdle toward that end is to find some advisor-type willing to sit down and help me wade through the zillion credits i have versus the graduation requirements that have changed twice since i first enrolled. and then, of course, to start saving money toward tuition, since i doubt i'll ever be eligible for any financial aid anywhere ever again. actually, no-- before that, i'll finish the AA completely, at that other college i owe $ to. virginia has some nifty rules that'll let me skip some stupid stuff once i transfer, if i have that other piece of paper first. VCU in particular doesn't let you skip as many as others, because they're snobs (?!?), but it'll help with some tedious stuff. i *think* i finished the science before i was forced out, but who knows, with the new reqs... it's the entry-level english classes that i need to be most careful about, ironically. if they try and force me to take that ridiculous eng 200 class after i've already finished an english major, a writing minor, and an american studies minor (each and every class involved had eng 200 as a pre-req), nevermind the AP score that got me out of a similar class at W&M, i will riot. and that'll be yet one more excuse for me not to finish.

meanwhile, it turns out that i failed to file my state taxes for 2004, oops, so there's that-- and i know i'll owe, because i owed for federal that year, and state always seems to be higher... so my initial impulse at the above news to send every meager penny i have in my possession right now to JSR toward my debt to them needs to be quelled in favor of being able to write checks to the state for both 2004 and 2005 taxes. i'm guessing it'll be about $150 between the two, and that's after the $90 i just sent to the IRS, and the two nights i had to take off this week when i was sickly. and looming on the horizon, the $200 in continuing education classes must be paid for, which i HAVE to do in the next two months, else i won't be able to renew my real estate license. which means i won't legally be able to get paid by my other job, if indeed anything comes up to be paid for. (optimism reigns on that one, else i wouldn't still be doing it.)

and only one more week to decide on my cafe schedule for the summer. i'm torn between wanting to stay here and work my ass off and be ready and able to go back to school without difficulty in the fall, and wanting to go relax in temperate rhinebeck and deal with it all when i get back. some middle ground would be best, and will probably be the reality, but it's hard to envision how that'll work...

a lovely weekend

2006-04-16T14:15:00.000-05:00

easter is theoretically a real estate holiday, so i picked up a shift at the cafe friday night. it's usually a lucrative shift, but alas... with all else going on this weekend (easter, the strawberry hill races, etc) it's been a blah weekend. however, if i hadn't worked friday night, i'd still be searching for my Customer of the Month for april...

i don't mind waiting on "young" people. when i was in high school, i went out to eat a lot, and my friends and i were usually treated well. i appreciated that, and i try to extend the same courtesy. around 7pm friday, a third of my section was blocked off for a reservation. they were late, so i was cranky, looking out at unused tables that should've been making me money... and when they finally arrived, i wasn't particularly happy to see six young loud folks sitting at the combined tables.

when i first approached them, one of the guys was pretending to erase the gorgeous chalkboard art hanging next to the table. that hit a nerve. (the gal who does them is ridiculously talented and well-loved by all of us, and even if she weren't, you don't walk into a place and immediately threaten to destroy the decor therein.) so the first thing out of my mouth at the table was "if you do that, you'll be thrown out of this building soooo fast..." not my best intro. deep breath... six waters. i'm annoyed but not rattled. they ignore me on my next two visits to the table, not showing any signs of ordering anything. on the fourth visit, my patience wearing thin, i ask, "does anyone have any questions i can help you with?"

one of the two girls at the table answered excitely. "ooh! i do!" i leaned in, because it was quite loud... and waited. meanwhile, she leaned in to the one other gal, sitting next to her, and whispered something or other. i waited patiently, watching as another six top was seated next to them, and noticing that a duece of my favorite regulars had snuck into my section when i wasn't looking. finally i got their attention again, and asked, "so, what was your question?" and my budding rocket scientist said: "oh, i already asked her." and then she turned to the guy on her other side and kept talking.

yes, honey-- my job isn't to bring you dinner (and another bowl of lemons so you can keep making lemonade), it's to moderate your conversation with your friends.

naturally, they waited til it was time to leave to ask for separate checks, but i knew that was coming and had them separated from the get go. the rocket scientist balled up a twenty and stuck it in the book, along with a pile of change. some servers hate coins, but i'm not one of them-- it saves me time getting change from the bartender, and cash is *always* better than plastic. in this case, i saw a pile of it, mostly nickels and pennies. i said aloud (back in the kitchen), "i'm just going to assume that's 83 cents there," and started to make bill change for the twenty. another server happened to be standing next to me, and for some reason, she stopped to count the change. "nope, that's sixty nine cents." er, huh? her bill is $8.83. we both counted twice more... sure enough, she'd given me $20.69 for her $8.83 check.

it's times like that when it's easy to be snarky-- actually, it's hard not to be-- but i'm pretty good at resisting the urge. i dropped off their change and walked away quickly so as not to overhear any comments her friends made when they saw the change, lest they make fun of her mistake, because i knew i wouldn't be able to keep from laughing with them. and that's just not nice. being nice generally pays off-- they left me just over 20%, none of which was in the form of coins.

saturday night, same crappy section, worse night. i switched coffee brands saturday morning, and the new stuff doesn't seem to have the same kick. maybe that's why i had such a bad night... or maybe it was the mysterious shooting pain in my foot that nearly caused me to fall over... or maybe it was that half my section was set aside for a ten top, half of whom showed up 45 minutes late, with two extra people. the on-time 5 ate two baskets of bread (while drinking water and going through two bowls of lemons and quite a bit of sugar and splenda-- more free lemonade) while they waited. they were so loud that when the 12th man finally ordered a beverage, a full hour after the reservation time, i was sure he'd said "milk," yet when i brought it, he claimed he'd said "beer." (nevermind the fact that "beer" is not a complete beverage order. whatever.) it was a fairly uneventful table, other than the theatrical flailing one gal did when her crabcake sandwich arrived. ("i am NOT paying ten dollars for something this small!" no, actually, it's $11, and it's 98% lump crabmeat-- and 98 times more delicious than the well done burger you ordered to replace it. but hey, that means free crabcake for me, so, sweet!)

the comic relief came at the end, when the woman who seemed to be in charge mentioned that this was a birthday dinner, and asked what kind of cakes we had. usually i'd bring out the dessert tray, but given the volume level, there was no way they'd hear my descriptions, so instead i brought the print menu and pointed out that the birthday gal was entitled to a free dessert. i gave her a few minutes to read it, and when i returned, she clarified that she was asking about birthday cakes. whole cakes. she was shocked to learn that we don't have a variety of whole cakes lying around getting stale on the off chance that someone might want one. (meanwhile i was envisioning generic "happy birthday and/or anniversary, customer!" messages written in frosting on these imaginary cakes...) but no, what she *really* wanted was an ice cream cake. and then comes the point where it's difficult to control my facial expression lest i reveal that i think folks are completely cuckoo... so i excused myself to get the phone book and supply them with the addresses of nearby baskin robbins stores. at which point i washed my hands of the table, until i finally checked the book, well after they left, to find my 12% tip. frankly, it was more than i expected, so that's the bright side. the not-so-bright side: on an average saturday night, that half of my section would've netted me three times that amount.

and tonight, it's easter. brunch is where the real money's at, but i don't do brunch. the cafe will be completely full when i arrive, probably on a wait. for the past week we've been fielding calls every half hour from irate and/or confused people, who can't understand why it's too late to get a noon reservation. "well, we'll settle for 12:30." um, no-- how's 4pm work for you? that's our first available slot. "you don't have anything around 1pm?" well, we've set aside a few tables for walk-ins. "ok, so how long will the wait be at noon?" um... about 4 hours? so for the first hour or so, most of my section will still be full with the day server's tables, so i'll have nothing to do except try to stay out of the way. any new tables will be cranky before they even sit down because they had to wait (and couldn't find anywhere nearby to park). we'll get overflow from the parade when it ends at four, which will add to the chaos. by about eight, we'll be mostly done for the night, and i'll work on my crossword puzzle til 10:30-- assuming the market hasn't sold out of newspapers before i get there. oh, and it's sunday night, so we'll run out of at least one random thing, and no one will notice until a really inconvenient time. lately it's been whipped cream and cloth napkins. my prediction for tonight: mushrooms and tilapia. realistically, it'll probably be something worse, given that we ran out of stir fry sauce last night-- noticed when the 12 top's order included shrimp stir fry, i.e. at the height of the dinner rush. as relatively slow as it's been this weekend, running out of menu ingredients before sunday night is a bad portent.

oh, and i haven't finished my taxes yet, so there's that to look forward to. woo! should be fun working on those late tonight, while i'm stifling yawns, since the new neighbors woke me up at 8:30 am... a full four hours before my usual sunday wakeup time. urgh. i suppose the right thing to do now is have an extra cup of coffee and leave for work early so i have time to check more than one store for my NYT. in any case, i need to get out of the apartment rather than sit here trying to figure out how anyone could possibly need to walk around so much at home all freakin day and night-- it's driving me batty. only couch potatoes should be allowed to live above me, dammit. at least when they were still doing construction up there, there was a beginning and end to the noise every day. someone's been walking around that apartment for the last five hours, and the same was happening from the time i got home last night til i went to bed-- i just don't get it. maybe they're agoraphobes, and also exercise freaks? so their only option for exercise is to walk in circles at home all day? or maybe it's some kind of advanced home security system, like a cross between one of those robot vacuums and a noise maker, so it sounds like someone's always home, to thwart burglars. yeah, that's gotta be it.

no sleep til...

2006-04-02T04:09:00.000-05:00

yeah, so that theory about being into deep sleep before the band started playing? not so much. note to self: next year, make sure you're out of town or sleeping at someone else's house on the morning of the 10K. yikes.

she won't see this, but i'd like to send a yummy vibe out into the universe to PZB: keep on truckin, babe. i've enjoyed reading your journal, and while i admit to having not yet read any of your books (there's one on my nightstand, i just haven't been reading AT ALL lately), i HAVE been sucked into reading some of the viciousness hereabouts, and i feel compelled to say, please do whatever you need to do to cling to your sanity, even if that means pushing loser's faces into the mud. 80% of my NO news has come from you, and without it i'd have little idea what's really happening. if i had any painkillers to send, they'd be yours by now.

next: B, call me. i miss you, if that's not painfully obvious. i know you have a life, and i know mine is not particularly lined up with anyone else's, schedule-wise, but i'd love to talk with ya. also, an email address so i don't have to send you msgs via LJ would be cool too. i considered setting up a myspace page to get to you there, but i'd really rather not, unless it's absolutely necessary. if you love me, you won't make me debase myself that way. (haha, just messin with ya.)

finally, a stupid thing that's been too much on my mind lately... eh, that'll wait til tomorrow.

soapy

2006-04-01T05:43:00.000-05:00

the good news: the weather's beautiful, wish i were here. oh wait-- i am. focus on that.

the non-news: i finally finished copying the bajillion CDs, DVDs, and tapes that i have promised to send off to a million people. woo for me. now there's that pesky post office trip. monday, maybe. also, i signed the paper to renew the lease, tho i haven't gotten that in the mail either, and it's due today. some kind of psychological block, i'm sure, but i'm gonna do it. still plotting to spend part of the summer in rhinebeck, but i'm not giving up this apartment until i leave richmond, barring any bizarro-world circumstances. (i.e. i get rich and buy a house-- tho given the market, i doubt i'd do it here.) i could live in rhinebeck full time, year round, for free, but screw the snow. and i'm not "allowed" to leave here permanently w/o a damn degree. (again, barring bizarro world, like i find someone else who can get me into an MFA program w/o it, but this time one w/o the aforementioned snow.)

the bad news: mom's been in the hospital all week. in tejas, of course, where i am not. abt 2 weeks ago now, she had a basal cell carcinoma removed, no big deal, they think they got it all, and they gave her antibiotics as per the usual course of things. a weekish later, she got sick-- couldn't do anything but sleep & be, well, sick. she did her usual "no big deal, i'm sure it's just a stomach flu," then finally went to the ER w/o much to show, then went back, to a different hospital. (the folks live *outside* of a town w/less than 2000 people, so their choices, given distance + the f'd up state of retiree/dependent medical care, is slim. i'm no expert, but... my dad served 20+ years, the latter many of which he hated but endured b/c of promises of retirement benefits for him and his family... and still they pay out the nose for health care, and have to ASK PERMISSION to seek emergency care??)

10 hours in the 2nd ER later, someone finally asked the right questions, and it turns out the antibiotic she was given was a broad spectrum one. um... can you say "medical history?" yes, i thought you could, dumbass doc. mom has a compromised immune system from the cancer back yonder... she has no spleen, for allah's sake... so broad spectrum=no good. that killed *everything* bacteria-wise, leaving her body open to random nonsense that most of us confront daily w/o issue. this is not the first time... years ago she got a listeria bug-- common and allowed by the FDA in milk-- and nearly died. ended up w/6 weeks home-ridden, daily nurses, and a machine that pumped drugs into a PICC line every 8 hours, to avoid 6 wks in the hospital-- she HATES hospitals. the specific bacteria this time, i don't know, b/c my dad has yet to get a doc to pronounce it slowly and/or write it down, but suffice it to say, she's got a bad case of colitis. tuesday night, they said that once they IV'd a couple bags of the new (correct, specific) antibiotic into her, she'd turn a corner and feel much better, but that hasn't happened. she's awake more of the day, but still sick. still in the hospital. i want to go see her, feel like i should, but i don't have the grand it would cost me (none of us living near a decent airport), and i'm thinking that if she gets out and needs attention after my dad has to go back to work, well, i should wait til then. dad wondered aloud that her parents haven't offered to come, from within the same state (though *his* mom will be there in a few days, from the same distance, even tho she doesn't drive and can barely walk), and i agree, but i also understand, reluctantly, that at a certain point, certain people will spend time in hospitals, and it won't be that big of a deal, and maybe that's their perspective, too. i just hate that that's true. and there's a part of me that hates that it's so difficult and expensive to go see my folks, even though we aren't super close, and that before last october, i hadn't seen them in three years. i'm a bad daughter, and sadly, i suppose i was trained that way-- by my mom. and i know that doesn't make it right.

related soapbox: what the FUCK is up with health insurance? coincidentally, i'd been doing some research myself... a gal at work spurred it, and i'm giving myself a one year + one week deadline, i.e. my 35th bday, to do something about it. (i've been without it since 1998.) she reco'd a high-deductible HSA deal, and that's all well and good (tax breaks are particularly appealing, given that half my earnings are from self-employment), but why, why, WHY is everything in this freakin country focused on bad things happening, instead of on prevention? i say this as a smoker and drinker and driver... i don't expect free/national health care any more than i expect free car/life/renter's insurance, but come on-- how is it that annual checkups and wellness issues aren't covered if i'm paying thousands a year and don't otherwise go to the doctor?? my car insurance went down last week by a significant amount-- $100 every 6 months, which is about 30% of what i pay-- mostly because i've been insured but haven't been in an accident. why doesn't health insurance go down if i get checked up annually and am found to be healthy? how can i get motivated to put out so much money when i go to the doc on average of once every couple years at a cost of about $150 each time? strep in 2004... mono in 2002... acne meds at the free clinic last year, to which i donate whenever i can... if i get lung cancer, well, quite frankly, that'll be my own fault, and i'll expect to pay for it. but i'd rather put $100 aside every month for the rest of my stunted life in a regular savings account, thinking it's for my retirement horse ranch but ending up spending it on hospitals, than give it to some HMO who's not going to then pay for my annual physical or even a pap smear. GRR.

having said that-- i've always thought (even as a smoker, drinker, driver) that "sin" taxes should be higher. if i want to smoke, and i'm assumed to get that pesky lung cancer when i'm old enough to get gov't benefits, then fine-- charge me $10 a pack, but then put the $$ in a fund for medicaid/care/whichever. but do the same for big macs, dammit. and if you need to spend eighty gajillion dollars to secure enough oil so that i can drive 8 blocks to work and back to avoid getting mugged on the way home in the dark, that's fine too, but charge me $8 for a tank of gas for the privilege and then use THAT money to pay for the campaign. capitalism is supposed to leave me the option of talking with my wallet. i'll walk to work (and back home in the dark) if i don't want to pay that much, or i'll make a conscious decision to pay it. do i get a discount for taking vitamins and only eating fast food when i take road trips? or for walking around in circles and lifting heavy objects for a living when so many others are sitting behind a desk? doesn't look that way.

and while i'm on my prevention soapbox... why do airlines offer bereavement fares, so i can go half-price to a funeral, but not to my mom's hospital room? "eh, she's just sick, send her some flowers." stupid.

in three hours there will be a band playing outside my window for 20,000 people who will get up and run 10K on a route that goes by my apartment. i'm guessing most of them, health-oriented as they are, probably have health insurance. my primary goal right now is to be into deep sleep before the band starts playing, so i can get 8 hours before i have to be back at work. what's wrong with this picture??

smoke circles

2006-03-28T02:43:00.000-05:00

i smoke too much. if i think too hard about it, i'm nudging the outer edge of a $100 a month habit. what the fuckity fuck. that's about the same as it would cost me to get some health insurance, if perchance i didn't smoke. the difference? yeah.

speaking of, recent days have found me offering the super-secret DVD to a gal who deserves it. thinking it should be public, yet thinking too it should stay private. anyone who has any idea what i'm talking about, ask me for it and i'll send it on. meanwhile, i'll keep watching it once every couple weeks and trying not to cry. and "praying" that no one else i love should ever, ever go away.

the more half-drunken nights in a row that i burn bacon and toss it on an english muffin and top it with havarti, the more i won't miss you. right? isn't that how it works? i'll keep telling myself that. in the meantime, my excuse for not visiting (anywhere) is the lack of the honda i paid for to appear. how many more months shall i wait for it, thinking of all the other things i could productively do with that money? 3. mid june is my official end, i just decided.

trying to decide what to do for my birthday. thinking the best present to myself would be to work my ass off all month so as to afford to do all the things i want to this summer: live in the upstate NY house that's been offered up again, with the "new" 50's ford to drive around... fly down to charlotte in june for that show... go to the rumored tributes in ft lauderdale and chicago... and still keep my kick-ass apartment in rva and my leisurely lifestyle. that won't take much money, will it? hmph.

"don't you dare tell me how this ends...

let me think it's alright, digging through the long night..."

late night munchies...

2006-03-19T03:15:00.000-05:00

things that make me happy and sad at the same time:
making mashed potatoes and fried eggs & ham topped with havarti at 3 am, all in a calphalon crepe pan, because dammit, i have all those things in my kitchen now... and thinking of days past when (a) i wished i could make such things but couldn't afford them, and (b) i made similar things without the goodies even tho i could afford them, but was too lazy. the memories are damn happy, but make me miss you (yes, you), and make me think of those other times when i held out the havarti for better days, nights, make me wonder what the hell i was doing then, make me wonder why... make me wonder why i ever left you. i'm an idiot, i know this much is true, but still. i always have havarti and bacon and what all else in my fridge these days. but the rest?

post austin report

2006-03-12T05:37:00.000-05:00

back from austin. i have to say, the city pretty well lives up to its hype. i could see myself living there someday, though at the same time, i have the post-trip feeling of "why move when you can travel?" within the US, one city is so similar to the next... they all have their high points and differences, but that's what god made cars and trains and airplanes for, no? i don't know... i think it's a good thing, will spur me to finish school so i have the option of moving, but without making me feel like there's nothing to do here in the meantime. if that makes any sense.

the tribute show was breathtaking. i wish we could've recorded it, though given the number of professional videocameras there, i'm assuming it will see official release. i find myself wanting to write about it, yet not finding any words. i'm so glad i went, is all i can say. waiting impatiently for the rumored chicago tribute to announce itself so i can go there too. in a way, these shows allow me to prolong my denial, and yet, they help me face it head-on. one way or another.

a few highlights from austin, before they fade into memory: south congress, with its vintage/thrift stores, held my attention before my friends arrived and kept it rapt even after. i found a near-identical replacement for the red leather overnight bag that was broken and thoughtlessly duct-taped by the airlines on my last trip to texas... got it, i think, at a place called new bohemia... also found the journal-sized purse-bag i'd been looking for forever, in my favorite pale-blue-eyes color, at a world-of-mirth type place called monkey see monkey do, but alas, i then found trophy's, where i lingered for several hours with the half-crocked owner and a past employee, and in the end i left my monkey bag on the bar when my cab finally arrived. (the delay caused by the cab hitting another car was not long enough for me to remember the lost goodies.) JJ, the past employee, was generous with her austin reco's (including some great SXSW info), and i used it to much advantage over the next few days, along with the reco's of my RE colleague who hails from austin...

saturday after the tribute i took the charlotte fools back to trophy's, thinking we'd still be able to circumvent the smoking ban there (and maybe recover my shopping bag), but alas, the drunken owner was not around, and we essentially got thrown out. we trekked afoot down to the continental club, where i'd long wanted to go, but were turned away due to W's supposed excessive drunkenness, which i question even now... he didn't say a word, was standing silently, waiting for us to pay his cover, i suppose, but apparently he looked like trouble. so, we got some takeout at magnolia & headed back to the hotel, where we had a blast until suddenly we didn't... the lone man climbed into the wrong choice of the two double beds, apparently, and then it was ON. luckily the conflict got taken out to the parking lot, so i could sleep, what with 6 am rapidly approaching... somehow all was forgiven, at least temporarily, and sleep was had. (and no one got any action, sadly, but that's not the point. and honestly, i doubt that was the point with the bed choice either, but whatever.)

next day, a brilliant lunch at threadgills-- my texas standbys, chicken fried chicken with mashed potatoes and fried okra-- and then we took the dawg to the river. it's amazing, really, how healthy all those austinites are-- we could barely fit down the trail for all the joggers & dog walkers. W & deke reappeared after near an hour of adventure wanting to move there immediately. next we took a car tour thru UT and other parts, then walked 6th street and the surrounding area up and down til we were sweaty and needed cold adult beverages. yet another tip from JJ back at trophy's led us to jackalope, which we fell in love with, and thus stayed at for much longer than planned. smoking lounge, firepit, kokopelli chalkboards, and even a small-world friend-of-a-friend bartender. hours later we tore ourselves away, lest we spend our entire time at only one bar... remembered JJ's dog-friendly reco, freddy's, which took some finding, but turned out to be a hit. outdoor patio where we could smoke AND bring the dog-- score! later we tried the continental club again with more success, saw a hot alt-y countr-y band, then realized we were beat & headed back "home." at least that's what memory says. next morn, we talked some smack about the goofy segway tours, but turns out they cost more than we were willing to pay, so after some restocking of liquor & smoke cabinets, W&E&dawg headed back to NC, and i vegged at the hotel til the next morn. kevin smith was in town but i was lazy & quite frankly worn out.

flight delays nearly stranded me in b'more for the next night, but southwest came to my rescue, as always, and held my connecting flight for over an hour til i got there. i freakin' love them. after a night on my brother's floor, i finally arrived home to my mess and my undone taxes and laundry and dammit, i'm glad to be home.

parting random thought: my new least favorite word is "webisode."

austin bound

2006-02-24T01:57:00.000-05:00

so, i'm really for real going to austin. plane tickets have been bought, cheap hotels have been reserved. i even just bought a ticket to the damn show that i'm flying all this way for, doh. (would've felt pretty stupid if i forgot that little detail and it sold out, no?) i'm arriving earlier and staying later than the rest of my austin-going friends, which is not at all an unfamiliar setting for me, and i'm excited about that. just wish i didn't have to work so many damn shifts to pay for it beforehand, specifically to have enough cash on hand so as not to worry that i'll be penny-pinching when i should be having fun. it's weird being all responsible & setting aside rent & paying various bills before counting out trip money. weird not being able to just whip out the credit card & stay at a nice joint, and invite my friends to join me, their budgets be damned. not that it's all that recent that i could do that, but given the specifics, and the history with same... it's weird. but good, i guess. "fun money" set aside for the trip is at a reasonable level-- now i have to focus on all the pre-trip stuff that i always forget to budget for-- carton o'smokes, bottle o'soco, tank o'gas to get me to a freakin airport that i can afford to fly out of... if i manage to add a small "new pair of boots" stipend this weekend, all will be well in my world.

weird too to be going to texas & not seeing a single blood relative, but, first time for everything. i suppose there's still a chance we could take a side trip to san antone and i could run into my cool cousin who's in college there, but that's not likely. i'll be back soon enough. and maybe, someday, for good. i really do love my apartment, but aren't there a few cool pads in every city? a few days ago i got a tour of the one downstairs that's being reno'd, with the "new improved" central HVAC, and, um, no. they're not going through the walls, they're just dropping down the ceiling enough to fit in the ducts along the outer edges. which makes it feel smaller. if i'm assuming correctly that we'll also then have to pay for heat/AC, i'm really not interested, unless she can somehow throw in an off-street parking place. or, haha, keep the rent from increasing. ever.

B: thanks for R's phone number. as expected, i haven't yet used it. i really did sorta want to go to that show tonight, but between "yesterday was my only day off from the cafe before i leave, why didn't i accomplish everything on this giant to-do list" and "oh yeah, i still have a crapload of work to do for my other job," i couldn't justify the time. naturally, i came home & spent an hour & a half on the phone chatting about the austin trip instead of working. oops.

screw work. i gotta sleep.

cleaning, clocky, click

2006-02-18T01:13:00.000-05:00

i'm just a posting fool this week. some unlikely urge toward productive-ness seems to have possessed me. i cleaned out the freezer this morning, at a time when i am not usually even awake. and by clean out, i don't just mean "scoop up the crumbs with a shovel," i mean "throw out all food that expired in 2004." when your frozen food is 2 years past its usefulness, you know you're a slacker.

the best news i've gotten all day:
the few of you who've been reading this for a while may remember that i spotted the most brilliant alarm clock idea EVER some time ago. it was only a grad school prototype, or some such, but apparently it is now on its way to market!! oh, clocky, how i've dreamed of the day... in other gadget lusting news: who knew you could buy a cassette player for your PC?! luckily for my budget, i don't have a desktop anymore. i wonder if they make an external version... oh, wait. that's called a boombox, isn't it.

and more importantly, i stumbled upon a program that will keep you from playing with such toys when you're supposed to be working: the temptation blocker. problem is, if my Forty Thieves game is locked up for half an hour, i'll just go watch an episode of will & grace instead of working. maybe version two will include a taser that will zap me if i try and get out of my desk chair. or a more sophisticated timer that checks for keystrokes in the appropriate work software & adjusts your time accordingly... or maybe i'll just have to grow some willpower. sigh.

what i learned this week by scrolling through the cable guide as a procrastination method: the US has a women's curling team!?

today's main mode of procrastination: flickr. i'm lovin' it. (am i allowed to say that about a company other than mcd's, or do they have some wacky trademark?) used the excuse of my ~~impending~~ newly arrived! camera to upload & organize all my old digital pictures. after about half an hour, i used up my monthly freebie allowance, so i went pro. will post links soonish. in the meantime, i'll be wasting more time googling for plugins and toys. (suggestions welcome.)

a productive day off?!

2006-02-16T13:31:00.000-05:00

got some work done on the to do list today... applied for both checking and savings accounts, and passed the initial screening, though i'm still waiting for final approval. wore my tony lamas yesterday... and bought another air purifier. oh, and i just spoke to JSR about my debt, got a payment address, and am shortly sending them about 15% of what i owe them. which means i need to pick up a few more shifts than i'd planned to pay for that plane ticket. so, i can cross a bunch of stuff off of my list. go, me. oh, and yesterday i adjusted my student loan payment to cut it in half, which is no good long term, but in the short term, it's the only way i'll be able to keep up on those payments and still eat away at the VCU/JSR debts, so that i can someday go finish.

on a roll... just called VCU, too, which i'd been sort of scared to do. still not sure of the answer to the big question, but i got further instructions and contact info... the Q is, did the debt discharge, or is it like student loans, not eligible? fingers crossed, though i'm mentally prepared to have to pay it. just not financially prepared.

next: laundry. baby steps.

why am i here?

2006-02-14T04:53:00.000-05:00

no, i'm not attempting to discover my purpose on this planet via a blog entry... just my purpose in this particular city. i came here, originally, because B & i wanted to get back to virginny, i wanted to go back to school, he had a job here, rents were low... that was, what, 13 years ago? (oof!) i left for a while, and there was a time that i only lived here "because that's where my apartment was," as a wise man once said, but why now? why am i still here? i have one friend here who i really dig, and i never see her... many good friends live 90 miles away, and i scarcely see them either. B is only a few hours away, but i never get there, either... he'd be a similar few hours away by plane, if i lived elsewhere...

a couple nights ago, when C made his near-monthly case for me moving to NYC, i thought, "sure, but i could just keep this apartment in richmond forever, because it's relatively cheap, and always have somewhere to come home to--" but is this really home? couldn't i move all this stuff to another sweet pad, in another city, with a balcony and an office, and feel the same? maybe in a city that had a less expensive airport? what if that new pad was closer to my aging folks, in an even more happening town? a town where men wear boots without shame, and i could ride horses more months out of the year? a town that was near road-tripping distance of the town where i'd like to someday pursue an MFA?

the real reason i "can't" leave is school-- i swore i wouldn't leave til i finished my undergrad-- but that was years ago, and i've made no moves in that direction for quite some time. well, not in the direction of the BA, anyway. the AA could be had for a grand or two, and about 7 months... the BA for 4 or 5 grand, and about 9 months... do i care? can i break the pact i made with myself, if i find it doesn't matter anymore?

what DOES matter to me anymore? location doesn't seem very high on that list. but is that a reason not to move, or a reason for my physical location not to matter one bit?

comments welcomed on this matter... the town up for consideration is austin, at the moment, though it could be anywhere, really...

insomnia (again)

2006-02-12T03:17:00.000-05:00

slept 2 hours the night before last. last night, another two hours. expected to crash hard last night, but after finishing RE work and a quick phone call, my mind had other ideas. nodded off around 3:20, respectable time, but then, icky, too-real nightmare. (well, too-real except for an appearance by the bringers, from BTVS. huh?) that's about when my brain woke me up, maybe thinking i'd had all i could handle. or something. woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. hours later, tried a nap, and like clockwork, the stereo downstairs + the construction upstairs nixed that. worked in a daze tonight-- warned all that i was loopy, managed not to screw anything up. robotic, but still sensitive to stimuli. kitchen guys snuck in an ipod for tunes; got pissy at another server at one point, then suddenly tom waits queued up, and all was well. same again later with nick cave, and then even later with "avalon." (which will never stop reminding me of hours-long sex at that bizarro A-frame cheapo studio we got evicted from, against all logic.) (and: am now burning some recent nick, and some birthday party, for said kitchen guy. instead of sleeping. and trying to decide which CW to include, mandatory.) also, decided i want to sleep with non-ipod kitchen guy, despite his cooties from his earlier affair with the gal i want to like but just can't. not like that stopped me with that other cafe guy last year.)

goal was to work 6 days in a row and make $600 for the austin trip. i'm exactly on track after 3 shifts; so far so good. but now it's snowing. thank allah, it waited to stick til i got home, tho i'm theoretically illegally parked, given the construction. hopefully they'll take tomorrow off. my anxieties re bad weather driving, even only 8 blocks, had me on the phone trying to give up my shift this afternoon. glad no one took the bait.

bought (ordered) the digital camera. hope it gets here before the austin trip. also hope cc bill that i put it on gets here too, so i can pay it off and have that "$" available to rent a car/hotel if need be. have miraculously set aside enough money for march rent AND student loan payment already, as well as random bills. am currently trying to calculate the last time i slept for more than 2 hours. can't remember. should probably stop typing. but:

learned tonight, upon listening to nominees for the aforementioned CD inclusion, that i'm so still in denial, or something. but at the same time, constantly thinking of ways to make it better. i.e. never let such a love go walking alone, dialing a number only to be yelled at for anonimity, for want of comfort without connection. i used to think that was a good thing, i.e. the whole "if you love something, set it free" cliche. but where does that get anyone? floating around the world, knowing someone somewhere loves them. is that enough? i used to think so. now? not so much.

huh?

2006-02-06T01:05:00.000-05:00

a feeling of being homesick for a period in the past that is almost present.

what's he building in there?

2006-02-04T08:20:00.000-05:00

--my building is under serious construction. landlady put out a note saying they're updating the whole electrical system, in order to "accommodate our electronic equipment," but i didn't buy it. turns out she's installing heat pumps & central air, which i assume the ancient system couldn't handle. not all at once, just as people leave. a third of the building is empty right now, so it seemed like a good time to start. i'm assuming that will mean she no longer will be paying for the heat, which is the only way i can believe it. my current plans involve signing a new lease this summer (though who knows), so theoretically it won't apply to me soon. she mentioned that if i'm the last holdout, she might pay me to move into one of the other apartments temporarily so she could convert mine, but i've heard that before (about the water damage in the 2nd bedroom from isabel). just as surprising, i learned that the twits on the 1st floor, who i think are the ones who'd been calling the cops whenever the guys downstairs get noisy (the cops thing=a big pet peeve of mine) actually broke their lease and moved out over the heating issues we had last month. yeah, it was cold, but it's not like the landlady & repair people weren't out here constantly trying to resolve it. good thing those girls weren't here the last couple winters. notwithstanding the week w/o any heat, this is the warmest winter in this building in the 4 (5?) years i've been here.

so, it's going to be damn noisy around here the next couple weeks. just as well, because i need to pick up more shifts at work. i now owe $$ to yet another institution of higher learning, so i'm not taking classes, which means my student loans require payment. (how am i going to pay those and pay off JSR at the same time? likely answer=i'm not. but that ain't gonna fly.) on top of that, my next vacation is shaping up to be more expensive than i planned, and it also will likely squash my idea of going to the carribean for my birthday. it seems that the CW tribute in NYC is not, as i assumed, going to be the liveliest of the set... also, the car i'm theoretically buying in NY will not be ready for me to pick it up by then... finally, EE can't make it to the NYC tribute, and it feels weird to go to one of them without her, given our history... she's pushing for austin, and CW's brother says that one will be the best. my family will be miffed if i go to texas without seeing any of them, but given the size of texas, that would involve a lot more money than just flying straight (haha, from richmond? as if) there and staying with EE's brother. my folks will understand-- i just spent two weeks with them a few months ago, and they have an idea how crazy i was about chris, but if any of my other relatives find out i was there... ah well. i suppose it's possible that february will be a lucrative month, but it's not likely, other than V-day.

the austin vs NYC theory came directly on the heels of the news that i am now the holder of a line of credit, my first in many years. i applied for two credit cards and shockingly got both of them. tiny limits of course, but one of them has enough room to buy a plane ticket, even out of overpriced richmond. (the other one is still high enough to fly me out of a reasonably priced city.) i suppose i could have refused the 2nd one, once i was approved for the first, but i'd already put my netflix on the first (hence, having used it, i'd already have to pay the annual fee), and the 2nd had the higher limit and lower fee. weird, since the bank that gave it to me was one i owed to before, and wrote off in the BK. now all i have to do is get a checking account, so i can pay my bills at 3 am or whenever, rather than dealing with the money order nonsense. methinks the checking is going to be harder than the credit (counterintuitive, yes, but credit reporting issues are very strange), but i hope i'm wrong.

yesterday i finally finished the DVD project that i started back in december. the videos had been almost finished-- edited, burned, mostly labelled-- but i still wanted to make covers etc. naturally, i ran into problems with that, too, but it's finally resolved, and all but one are in sealed packages waiting to be mailed as soon as the PO opens. also edited a CW show to send out to people. loving my new burner, which has made most of this possible! the light scribe technology has a ways to go to be truly impressive, but in the meantime, it's pretty cool. if only it didn't take half an hour to make a label, i'd use it for everything. my next splurge purchase will be digital camera (finally)... i've been planning to buy one for ages, and came close while i was in texas, but now that i have credit and can shop for a better deal online, it'll be soon. (plus, the theoretically impending austin trip makes me want one even more.) thinking about this canon... anyone have any thoughts/comments? i'm looking for: small, optical zoom (not just digital), at least 3mp, pref under $150. and no proprietary crap, like "uses only x-brand memory" etc. screw that.

unposted snippets

2006-01-28T13:31:00.000-05:00

stuff that didn't get done from last year's list... i.e. the start of this year's to-do list...

-$-get renter's insurance -- volunteer at the READ center -$-open a checking and/or savings account -$-go to the dentist -- learn/brush up on another language -$-take more classes toward one or more of my degrees (pay off various colleges first, ugh) -- submit stories -$-go to the carribean -- update the 100 things list ~~-$-go to norfolk/VB~~ -- learn to play poker -$-ride horses -- go to the VMFA -$-find a regular bar -$-send more $ to my folks -$-~~clean~~/spruce up the balcony (spring) -- go see a saturday night movie at the byrd -- write travelogues -- sew ~~-- watch more movies~~ -$-buy a mixer -- wear my boots -- read more books -$-buy more sexy undies -$-replace my navel ring -$-go see brooks -- work out a little -- enjoy more boys -$-get my passport -$-learn to swim better -$-buy another air purifier -$-shoot some guns

seems the majority of these require $$, hence first i must work more. that's not a very happy start to a new year, is it?

quickie notes about the loverly, relaxing VB trip with francis clay...
arrived tuesday, dinner at jewish mother after not finding timbuktu. delish, guac with garlicky bagel chips and pita, then salmon with rice and veggies. veggies perfectly cooked, rice too. wednesday, errand running with clay, his check, bank, books, thrift store (2 pants, 2 sweaters, $9). dinner at rockfish b/c of entertainment book, but it turned out the food was all half off anyway. gotta love winter at the beach. yummy fried flounder, mashed potatoes, veggies. hush puppies too. thursday, lunch with L at waffletown. (it's close to their office.) crazy meth waitress w/dirty jokes, yummy french toast but bacon left something to be desired. saw R for a hot minute after, then popped into a consignment store (pants from yesterday didn't fit.) got 2 pairs of pants, one work shirt, and 2 sweaters for less than $7. rock & roll. (they all fit-- and are name brands-- two of them new w/tags.) leftovers for dinner, hoped to go see rob on the last night of the madison, but we miscalculated, and a phone call revealed that it was already closed for good. just as well, tired, lazy, lounged at the hotel instead. friday, lunch with L again, this time at the lucky star. had a turkey club, prob one of the best ever. fontina cheese, asiago bread, herbed tomato mayo, and the best bacon i've had in ages. icing on the cake was homemade potato chips, which i ate with entirely too much fervor. back to the office, tried to get R on the phone to no avail-- she'd fallen asleep after nursing her adorable youngest daughter. (six weeks old, c'mon, she totally deserved a nap!) so back to the hotel to pack for an hour, then R woke, invited me back for dinner with her and J and both of their daughters. angus steaks on their jennair grill, then sublime chocolate fondue along with good talks and a bit of reminiscing. a cup of chamomile just about knocked me out, had to sit for a few, borrowed a book, finally got back here near midnight. in the morn, dropped FC off and drove straight back here to work. plotting to come back once i get the honda if the winter specials are still in effect (well, even if they're not, since i didn't make it to norfolk to see my much-missed friends there (mp, i'm lookin at you).

oh no, not another one!

2006-01-01T01:32:00.000-05:00

swiped from my latest favorite LJ to read, that of writer/new orleans native docbrite

Last Book Read: memories of my melancholy whores, gabriel garcia marquez
Last Live Music Show Seen: walter, at some roadhouse outside of charlotte
Last CD Purchased: marah, both the christmas album (a christmas kind of town) and the latest "regular" release (if you didn't laugh, you'd cry)
Last Thing Cooked: um, rice a roni, with some green beans
Last New Thing Eaten chicken pot pie
Last Thing Bought: ugh, i spent $95 at target yesterday in TEN MINUTES. no lie. lotsa blank discs, some hair dye, that sort of thing. wait, just after that, i bought a jug of southern comfort. yum.
Last Gift Received: a pair of PJs.
Last Piece of Clothing Bought or Received as a Gift: see above.
Last Embarrassing Experience i don't embarrass easily... hmm... nope, can't think of anything.
Last Totally New Experience: is this a family establishment here? no? okay... um... let's just say "daisy chain" and leave it at that. the whole thing itself, not so new, but the specifics... yeah, nevermind.
Last Foreign Country Visited, if any: wow, i have to go back almost four years for this one... mexico. gotta fix that in 2006.
Last New Favorite Band (feel free to substitute enthusiasm of your own if not a music freak): nine inch nails.

i have a job. for now.

2005-12-28T01:18:00.000-05:00

so, that whole thing about me NOT getting fired? a technicality. seems the specific manager that i talked to, who was present my next night back, didn't have the balls to write me up. which is odd, because he's the only mgr there who doesn't like me. so, thursday night, the owner presented me with a silly form to sign, and that was #2, meaning the next time i breathe sideways, i'm fired. which is a bad thing, especially since i couldn't get to sleep this morning to prep for my close/open tonight/tomorrow, for which i usually just stay up, which is not going to work now. so i'm paranoid that i'm going to oversleep in the AM, for a shift during which i'm supposed to be training a new hire (which we need desperately)... so, if you're reading this, and you have my phone #, and you happen to be awake and looking for something to do around 9am wednesday, feel free to give me call. and wish me luck getting to sleep before 4am tonight... ugh. i hate jobs. (and, ya know, my sleep issues, but whatever.)

and: the NY housesitting gig may be foiled. seems the folks in question found a great last minute deal, and are now leaving jan 3rd instead of going in february. given the lack of available people to cover shifts at said job at the moment, the odds of me taking off so soon for two weeks are slim to none. bah humbug. i'll still go to NY soon enough, but a paid gig is the best reason, and now that's gone poof. ah well.

blah. more silly Qs

2005-12-28T01:05:00.000-05:00

1. You have $10 and need to buy snacks at a gas station; what do you buy?
--sunchips, spearmint gum, a bottle of water, and either a coffee with lots of milk and a little ice, or a fountain coke, depending on the weather. and a pack of smokes.
2. If you had to be reincarnated as some sort of sea-dwelling creature, what would you be?
--a mermaid.
3. Who's your favorite redhead?
--leesa.
4. What do you order when you're at a pancake house?
--haha. haven't been to one in ages, but when i was a kid, we had a family tradition that on your birthday, you got to choose a restaurant for dinner, and i always chose a pancake house. and ordered pancakes. my dad, who i adore, thought that pancakes were a breakfast food and shouldn't be eaten for dinner, so i was just being my usual contrary self.
5. Do you own any... naughty toys?
--yup. in the red suitcase near the bed.
6. Have you made out with anyone on your friends list?
--well, considering i was once married to one of them, i'll have to go with yes.
7. Describe your favorite pair of underwear:
--in theory: my black VS hotpants. in reality: a semi-frilly black g-string.
8. Describe the last time you were injured:
--making some bacon with the biker boy on the brain, i actually splattered hot grease on my thumb and burned myself badly enough that it still, about a month later, is red and angry-looking. i NEVER injure myself in the kitchen, dammit!
9. Are there any odd things that make you feel comfortable?
--define odd?
11. Tell me a weird story from your high school years:
--holy smokes, i wouldn't know where to start... one time i had this plastic flower and decided to carry it everywhere with me for about a month. actually i meant to carry it everywhere forever, but i lost it after about a month. wtf was up with that?
12. What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?
--a pleasingly symmetrical pic of my old roomie's cats.
13. Soda?
--co-cola.
14. Flavor of pudding?
--eh, not really.
15. What type of shirt are you wearing?
--a comfy cotton jockey tank, in palest blue.
16. Prescription medication?
--not usually, but last week i discovered that xanax + darvoset is a pretty happy combination.
17. If you could use only one form of transportation for the rest of your life, what would it be?
--wow. despite my disdain for the auto culture, i suppose i'll have to say, an imaginary car that never breaks down.
18. How many people are on your friends list?
--10.
19. How many people on your list do you know in real life?
--6.
20. What are you listening to right now?
--nine inch nails, "and all that could've been."
21. Most recent movie you watched?
--closer. which wasn't as sexy as i'd been led to believe.
22. Name 5 things you have with you at all times:
--cell phone, smokes, my memories, my loves, and, erm, my issues.
23. Would you rather give or receive a foot massage?
--receive. duh.
24. Name a teacher you had the hots for:
--no, i don't believe i will. most of the 6 of you will know.
25. What is a saying that you use a lot?
--what the fuck?
26. What's one piece of advice that you think should be passed on to every child?
--you can do it.

perspective

2005-12-21T05:09:00.000-05:00

just back from a much-fun trip to charlotte, visited an old friend, made a new one. interesting, and fruitful, to see myself through their eyes. my self-imposed isolation causes me to see only my nose and navel, and i forget sometimes... eh, i don't feel like writing about that particular aspect. though i really should.

the purpose of the trip itself was to transfer some 8mm tapes to DVD, which was a collosal pain in the ass. the converter box thingy advertised it being "fast and easy!" but alas, they lied. between us we spent almost $400 (not counting my travel expenses) and yeah, technically we got the stuff transferred, but only after many attempts and many hours. plus, many more hours yet lie ahead to edit the stuff. perhaps i should get started on that, eh? the rest of the trip was nearly too much fun. sex, drugs, rock & roll... and a lot of lazing around, which i always love. and bacon. :-)

nearly got myself fired from the cafe, because technical difficulties kept me in charlotte longer than expected, but thank allah, i'm still employed. and it looks like i've got myself a housesitting gig, courtesy of my favorite boss (the other one) in upstate new york in february. $600 plus travel expenses, woo! technically it's petsitting, so it'll be a bit of work, but whatever, C will hook me up with everything i need. and i'll spend some time in the city on either end, with a probable side trip to philly. it's always great to have a trip to look forward to. necessary for my sanity, almost.

boredom

2005-12-12T01:59:00.000-05:00

ten things you might not know about me:

1. i like spiders and snakes.
2. i have stupid, irrational fears that i'm ashamed of.
3. i spend way too much time at the computer getting absolutely nothing done, pretending to be busy.
4. i look foxy in my blue sweatpants and a long john shirt.
5. i've turned into a bit of a lonesome, antisocial drunk.
6. i love you.
7. i can fucking sing.
8. my nostalgia will probably kill me sooner than any of my other lethal bad habits.
9. i'm too tolerant, both of others and of my own indulgences.
10. i miss you.

nine places i've visited:

1. easton, PA
2. nevada city, CA
3. burlington, VT
4. hollywood, CA
5. hollywood, FL
6. deming, NM
7. MAROMA
8. steamboat springs, CO
9. lincoln, NE

eight ways to win my heart:

1. notice that i look foxy in sweats and a long john shirt, and tell me so.
2. ask me to sing with you-- but honey, do it while you're playing a song i know the lyrics to, wouldja?
3. love me despite the fact that i'm a hopeless fuckup.
4. love me.
5. when i loan you a denis johnson book, actually read it, and then ask "what's next?"
6. when i play you some righteous patti smith that you've inexplicably never heard, do the same.
7. accidentally give me a concussion with your guitar, and be really sweet about it
8. come back, honey. come back.

seven things i want to do before i die:

1. get published again, despite my displeasure the first time
2. more specifically: get paid to write
3. speak spanish fluently
4. have way more fantastical sex
5. visit all the other places everywhere
6. fall in love again, and again
7. ride more horses

six things i'm afraid of:

1. success, apparently
2. car trouble at night when i'm alone
3. being alone, emotionally (not physically)
4. not ever falling in love again
5. not meeting my potential
6. losing my edge

five things i don't like:

1. temper tantrums
2. extreme selfishness
3. intolerance
4. listening to holiday music all freakin' month of december
5. myself, sometimes...

four ways to turn me off:

1. fail to understand CW's musical genius
2. disregard my stated requests. about anything. (disagree is a totally different thing!)
3. drink(/etc) so much that you can't bring/handle the fantastical sex
4. move a cat into my house and then fail to give it any attention...

three things i do every day:

1. wake up late (assuming sleep happened at all)
2. smoke
3. drink coffee

two things that make me happy:

1. getting the hell out of town
2. fantastical sex

one thing on my mind right now:

1. getting the hell out of town.

a song i never knew how much i liked.... til tonight

2005-12-11T04:24:00.000-05:00

Well all right, well all right
You know we live and love with all our might
Well all right, well all right
well i can't find love to be all right

Well all right, so I'm not ready
Well all right, let people say
That those stupid kids can't be ready
For the love that comes their way.

--and yet--

i'm still ready to tattoo "fearless heart" on my body. go figure. what am i waiting for? someone to ask?

yup. someone to ask.

adventures in short pump

2005-12-02T03:45:00.000-05:00

things that pissed me off today:

--sprint cut my phone off ELEVEN days before my bill was due. last time it was "only" seven. at least this time i hadn't already put the money in the mail. so, once again i got to drive out to lovely downtown short pump. woo! even better: during rush hour!
--adventures in book buying, in which Q pops into convenient barnes & noble to buy the new gabriel garcia marquez novel. new fiction table? nope. other new fiction table? nope. new fiction shelves? nada. ok, i'll walk upstairs to the fiction & lit section... nothing. and by nothing i mean NO garcia marquez-- not under G, not under M. the woman at the register has no idea who i'm talking about. ok, so maybe she's extra help hired for the holiday rush. fine. surely the people staffing the information desk have heard of him? i mean, i realize it's been over two decades since he won the freakin' nobel prize... she asks me if marquez is spelled with a C or a K. while deciding whether it will be more efficient to point out that garcia is not his first name, or whether to just spell marquez for her, i see that right behind her is a giant stack of the book in question. i just point at it. when i take it back to the same register where i'd inquired before, the woman says "wow! those folks at the information desk are quick, aren't they?!" grrrrr.
--my car's oil light came on again. second time. both times in short pump, both times when i had to drive out there to BFE to get my phone turned back on (did i mention BEFORE the bill was due?). i am plotting to never, ever go there again. (you hear that, sprint? knock it off!) last time i moseyed into walmart & bought some more oil to dump in it. this time, at 5pm, i decided that the $35 it would cost me at jiffy lube, which had no line, was worth avoiding the clusterfuck at walmart. even though i'm broke, and that $35 came out of money i'd set aside to pay my car insurance, which is due in four days. call me lazy, but i'd had my fill of oxygen sucking morons for the day.

deep breaths. back home, i cleaned for the impending arrival of the new roomie. she'll be here tomorrow before i wake up, so her boyfriend stopped by to get the keys (only because she lives an hour away, and it was raining, etc-- if he still has those keys after tomorrow, she's moving right back out. either that or he's paying a third of the rent.) had a nice chat with him, actually... he's kinda cute. gotta watch that. ("that" being my behavior. not, you know, his ass.) meanwhile, am trying to be productive in re the heartbreak. still raw, still a mess, still in a bit of denial, i think. focusing on the music, and spreading it. to that end, i've organized & catalogued all my bootlegs, so's i can spread the love. next week i'm buying some contraption to convert everything to digital.
http://cwboots.blogspot.com/

plotting to get the hell out of town soonish. i have off the 7th through the 17th, barring one pesky shift right in the middle that i may have to bribe someone to cover. norfolk, then charlotte. fingers crossed that my car cooperates, as does the weather.

blah.

fyi: email

2005-11-30T02:25:00.000-05:00

friends: it has come to my attention that my comcast (primary) email had some sort of conniption fit recently, and i have missed several emails over (at least) the past week. if you've sent me anything recently and i did not respond, please resend. thx...

love, loss

2005-11-23T16:05:00.000-05:00

quite a lovely remembrance written by bradley bambarger: chris's obituary.

more adventures in parking

2005-11-21T01:48:00.000-05:00

and now for some non-depressing blathering. i trace my ability to do this to the happy fact that "orgasm addict" came on the 80s cable radio tonight at work. soccer moms eating their salads, i give you the buzzcocks. chew on THAT.

random shout-out: B-- i miss you! call me sometime? my impending new roomie has a brother in rke, & i've already requested a ride-along next time she heads out yonder. also: can i get R's phone # from you? from what he said last time i saw y'all, sounds like he's as antisocial as i am, so maybe we'd be the perfect rva buddies.

yesterday i found a flyer on my windshield when i left for work. i assumed it was a promo for some pizza place, so i tossed it in the seat next to me and put the car in gear... but then i picked it back up. and wow, how quickly i lost the calm that i had worked so hard to achieve in order to be able to get out of bed and even THINK about going to work...

"DEAR DRIVER, CAN WE PLEASE HAVE A LITTLE CONSIDERATION FOR OTHERS ON THIS BLOCK? IM SERIOUSLY NOT TRYING TO BE NASTY BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS. IT IS A SHAME THAT SOME OF US CANT EVEN PARK ON OUR BLOCK BECASUE YOU ARE UNAWARE OF THE WAY YOU HAVE PARKED. PLEASE, LETS TRY TO ALL HELP EACH OTHER OUT AND PULL FORWARD TO THE CAR IN FRONT OF YOU OR PULL BACK TO THE CAR BEHIND YOU. IM SURE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IT SUCKS TO HAVE TO PARK 10 MILLION MILES AWAY."

yes, i realize i didn't need to type that whole thing out, and i know i've lost some of you already. but this thing has been eating at me for 30+ hours. the damn thing was typed out (yes, in all caps, and with likely more misspellings than i indicated above) and no, it was not signed. now, let me explain some things. parking here has an element of suckage, but it's not THAT bad. maybe half a dozen times in the past 4 years, i've had to park farther than a block away (meaning 2 blocks-- waaaahh), even though i keep night hours and the rest of the neighborhood does not. in general (as tonight), i park about a block away if i get home later than 8pm. if i wanted off-street parking, i would NOT live in this neighborhood. another thing: i do not share my american brethren's compulsion to get in my car every single day. specifically, even when i'm in too-much-work phases like now, i rarely drive on thursdays or fridays. friday's my work-from-home day, and thursday is for laundry and relaxing. this thursday, i had some errands to run, but i was home from that fairly early and got the last prime spot out front. i pulled up to the car in front of me (thanks for that parking lesson, einstein), in part due to the fact that i had no choice in the matter-- there was only one small spot available. friday morning, every else goes to work, comes home, showers, pre-games loudly, and hits the bars. cars of many shapes and sizes come and go. (seriously, the range is wide just on this block-- we've got little civics, vans and pickups, and a big old smelly dodge dart.) my car, parked mid-block, does not move during all this commotion. the random combination of sizes and shapes (and other people's actions) leads to gaps both in front of and behind my car that are too small to fit all but a mini cooper. what am i expected to do-- monitor the situation and go out and move my car every few hours? i think not.

i've been brainstorming about how to respond to this ludicrous note, despite the fact that i am well aware that i should ignore it. my favorite plan involves hiring one of those billboard trucks to take up half a dozen spots on the block, with a "where you gonna park now, asshole?" message written on it. alas, my better judgement, such as it is, will take hold. soon. i hope.

what this girl needed back yonder

2005-11-20T01:04:00.000-05:00

i feel compelled to explain that last post, for reasons that escape me. maybe because i can't really bring words to anything else.

yesterday, the day before, i don't even know what day anymore, i was looking for an old almost-forgotten tape, which meant dragging the "suitcases" that house such things out of the back of my closet. it's been a while since those dusty things saw daylight, and i found myself ticking off sources and reasons... "first tape i made for B... first tape he made for me... tape i made with E that isn't finished because we got distracted by each other..." and so on. i stopped at one of them, thinking, nah... did i really? yes, i did. i made him a tape. what was i thinking? pulled it out, checked the tracks. are you kidding me? did i REALLY? memory says yes, yes i did. put it in a big green envelope and gave it to the fine folks at the USPS. and i'm mortified. i tuck it back into its slot. my heart and brain are clogged with too much else to think too hard about it, but it's nibbling at me still, minor faux pas or no. hours later, i'm googling, looking for i don't know what-- solace, i guess-- and i come across the aforementioned quote. and i feel a little better about the silly tape, because all three of those artists were on it. (no, obviously, i know i had no role in him knowing their music, or finding them to be of value... that's not the point!) minor, minor thing, to be made to feel less stupid about how i used the fleeting moments, but i needed it nonetheless. how much of human mourning is borne of the selfish desire for validation? not all of it, not by a long shot. but it's there, and i felt compelled to give it a sidelong glance as i stare down the other, more complicated parts, the ones that haven't matched up with coherent words yet.

what a girl needs, volume 1

2005-11-18T03:57:00.000-05:00

"It's a good time to be someone like Steve Earle or Lucinda Williams," Whitley suggests. "There is a need for artists like them, because without them we'd lose our minds. It's like Tom Waits, who sold more albums last year than he probably ever has, thanks to what limited options there are in pop music.

"You know, you can screw all you want, but sometimes you'd rather make love."

dark

2005-11-17T00:52:00.000-05:00

Nostalgic, heart sick, biding time til it hits me for real. soon I’ll have to force myself to write. I can feel it bottling, pooling at the neck. I had a peek of it today, listening to that VB show... the shows have been the right background music, for now, reminding me of all the joy, the connections, the love. When I chose that one, I was remembering the friends who came with, the time we had. The photographer they brought with, wanting to fix me up, and the laughs later over the flaw that kept me from ever bothering to speak to him again (his negative comments about the performance that he waited to share til I left the table—apparently he forgot I was taping the show, and he was sitting next to the recorder). It wasn’t the dedication that got me—it was the song. Knifed me with the fact that there’s nothing I can do for him in his dark.

nano interruptus

2005-11-07T18:32:00.000-05:00

Number of words I've written on the novel so far in november: 2800(+/-).

Number of words in the email I wrote to biker boy this morning, in response to his response to my asking him to kindly tell me what's wrong with him so I can stop crushing so hard on him: 1711.

You do the math...

nano update

2005-11-02T17:22:00.000-05:00

number of words as of midnight nov 1st: nine.
time decided on concept for story: 3 am november 2nd.
plot outline, featuring 30 distinct chapters, completed: 6:30 am november 2nd.
number of words completed as of 5 pm nov 2nd: nine.

the concept is an offshoot (maybe more of a distillation) of the history of boys project. yes, that means it will not be 100% fiction, and no, i don't care if that breaks the rules. (it's a part that i hadn't gotten to, so i am following the november-only part of the rules, for what it's worth.) i will not be posting it, either en route or at the finish line, unless i have a serious change of heart AND gain permission from those involved in the non-fiction basis of the tale. i'll surely ramble more about it later. for now, i've got some writing to do.

what kind of song would you give
if you had a song to give
what kind of life would you live
if you had a life to live?
wouldn't you wanna make something good
that you could look on?
give you lots of pleasure
yeah you would
what about this thing that you gave
what if it weren't quite perfect
what if there was something bad about it?
would you love it just the same?
would you still care about it?
(yeah, you would...)